No mixie weeks ahead

My mixie that has served as one of the active and primary member of my kitchen for past five years conked out few days ago. No, I don’t blame the poor thingie that served its purpose to the T all these years.  It was totally my bad.  I used the smallest jar (owe it to my damn laziness) to grind a harder substance and there it broke those four plus like plastic projections in the mixie unit that helps to hold the jar in its place. Now, if I try to place the jar and switch it on, the mixie makes wired sound and the blades doesn’t rotate :(

I don’t have a grinder either. So, the following weeks will be no Idli/dosa weeks until amma lands here to rescue us. That also made me think what other things we would miss

1. Fresh ginger/garlic paste while cooking. I almost do this for all subzis.
2. Chutneys of all sorts. Oh wait why would I need chutney if there is no idli/dosa batter :(
3. Rasam (I don’t know how to make rasam without grinding the tomato, whole pepper and jira)  any suggestions?
4. Milk shakes that I make for Adi on some evenings. This is the second in her “Mommy’s cooking favorite” list.
5. Ginger chai that M makes by grinding ginger. Anyways I am not a big fan of that so unless he needs it we should be fine.
6. Coconut paste while making fish kuzhambu. I can still make do with this as I also make the non-coconut version of the kuzhambu. Thank god I don’t use coconut very often in my cooking.
7. Onion/tomato puree while cooking certain type of curries.

SS – I think I got paid off very well for teasing you for that 11pm Idli maavu blogging. I take back my words. You can make Idli maavu even at 1am.  Now, pluueezzeeee suggest me some ways to fix my mixie.

I can’t live without the dosa batter that’s my saver for dinner on most of the days :(

This week

continues to be disturbing..

Connecticut school shooting, Delhi gang rape and now Nithyashree husband’s suicide (though it was a personal decision) still mind is in totally disturbed state thinking of Nithyashree and her family. May God give all the strength to the families affected from these recent incidents. Let this be the end.

Thoughts are going wild, goosebumps show up as thoughts get deeper, tears roll down the moment mind pictures the families dealing with grief, there is a sense of urge to call off all those misunderstandings, to make those long pending calls, connect with everyone and just stay in the bed cuddling the family. Focus and concentration have become distant words for all that mind wants is to only sulk…

Heart yearns for some magic to happen and call off all these incidents as fake..

Adi is having security drills at school to learn how to hide in closet if a stranger enters the classroom suddenly. Her school had taken several safety measures in last one week and had circulated the detailed accounts to the parents. I spoke about the shooting incident to her though she was not ready to listen and assured her halfheartedly that she is safe.

What does “safe” mean? Who can assure it? Is it time to abolish the word “safe” from the dictionary?  I am going through the heights of insecurity questioning myself as we head start the day ”what is the guarantee that we will meet as a family for dinner tonight?”

Hope the new week and new year brings some peace to home and world… All I am doing is pray hard and harder.

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Mama’s house

The house that had lived the life of four generations has been demolished last week. It was built by my maternal grandpa in the year 1955, a year before amma was born. Amma has close connection with this house as she always says “we both are of same age”. During those years it was the only multi-story house in our village that was popularly known as “Maadi veedu” and amma has a pet name as “Maadi aathaa”.  Her throat choked as she was passing on the message to me last week and I couldn’t refrain myself from shedding those tears as I traveled back my memory lane in association with the house.

For my cousins and myself it was “Mama’s house” as it was amma’s brother who took the lead role of the family after my maternal grandpa. Mama got married at an early age and his first daughter was of same age as mama/amma’s younger sister. So, amma, chithi (amma’s younger sister), atthachi’s (mama’s daughters – 3 of them) and athaan’s (mama’s sons – 2 of them) all grew up together under the supervision of grandpa, grandma, mama and mami. Though amma is supposed to be “atthai” (father’s sister) for mama’s children they all still call her as “akka” (big sister) because of the closeness developed by growing under the same roof that is this house.

I have spent all my summer from the day I remember (kinder or first grade?) until I joined college at this house.  Tickets will be booked even before annual exam dates are published and letters will be exchanged between cousins as when each one is planning to arrive the destination that is this house.

This house had witnessed more than 10 marriages, 20 childbirth stories and 4 major deaths.  Amma’s marriage was the first to happen in this house in 1971 with “Thanthai Periyar” as the chief guest. The first thing anyone who enters this house will notice is the big big frames with amma’s marriage pictures posted on every frame.

The house where the whole clan gets together every April/May for the “Chithirai Thiruvizha

the time when all the son-in-laws gets to spend time together

the time when sleepless nights are spent on playing cards/pallankuzhi/paramapadham and chatting under moonlight at front porch

the time when ladies spend most time at kitchen dishing out sweets after sweets

the time when the house is filled with minimum 10 kids anytime running around

the time when mama terribly misses his siesta because of our noises that we deliberately make to disturb him

the time when we fight by rolling on the ground

the time when we give hard time to elders by not letting them to be at peace for more than 10 minutes

the time when each meal is served like in marriages, that type where we all sit in a long row and polish off the food served in banana leaf complaining about that extra laddu in the next leaf

the time when countless live fishes, chickens and goats are slaughtered (sorry veggies)

the time when we we enjoyed the kuchi ice every afternoon (the seller will make those extra horns when he comes near mama’s home to alert us much to our elder’s irritation. I remember trading some old bottles/iron rods with him for the kuchi ice and pal ice)

the time when we (mind you girls only) all used to bath together in the open space at the pump set at mama’s paddy field

the time with skirmishes (what else do you expect when more than 20 people live under the same roof for more than 2-3 days). Thank you RM, for the word ;)

the time when we fought for pillows/bed sheets at night time

the time when we slept over each other with 10 in a row

the time we have watched overnight stage dramas like “Harichandra mayana kaandam”, “Valli thurmanam”.. The dramas used to start at around 10pm and end at the crack of dawn

the time when we have enjoyed those special attentions at temple as amma’s family were the primary caretaker of the temple.

the time when we all assemble at the TV room along with people from neighborhood to watch Friday “oliyum oliyum” or Sunday evening movie. If I remember correct, on those days it was only mama’s house that had television and phone connection in the whole village. As direct grand kids of the house we had always demanded for the privileged seats while watching TV. On Sunday evening, neighbors used to visit mama’s house half an hour before the movie starts to secure their places. The house will look like a mini theater with chairs/benches and floors filled with elders and kids.

The list is endless…

This is the house where I spent most of my time though Appa’s house was just on the adjacent street. I used to just visit Appa’s house once in 2 days for a very minimal time to mark my attendance to paternal grandpa. He loves to have breakfast with me so that’s all I gave to him. Visit him in the morning before my cousins wake up, have breakfast with him and then spring back to mama’s house even before hands are dried. It was the liveliness and some magic of mama’s house that pulled me I believe though sometimes in retrospect I feel that paternal grandpa deserved better from me. why didn’t he make atthai’s, periappa’s and chithappa’s for me? Appa was the only son so I always pacified myself by blaming it on grandpa for not staying there. tell me where would you prefer to stay? a place with 2 or 3 oldies or a place with 10 lively kids?

This house had always been a home away from home for my cousins and myself. Apart from my home, mama’s house was the only other place where I have stayed back for longer time. I feel that it was my cousins and myself that had the most wonderful time in this house but I am sure every member of the family would have a story associated with this house irrespective of their age now.

Sorry for the long post. Its very difficult to compress the story of a 50+ year old house in a single post. There is so much more to say but I will stop here otherwise the post will never reach an end. Unfortunately, I do not have a picture of this magnificent house but let me try my best to explain the details

As you enter there will be a horizontally long thinnai (visitor’s room) followed by minnu veedu (TV room), followed by naadu veedu that has a small grilled open space in the roof for sunlight, followed by adupaadi (kitchen) with a big mutham in the middle. Mutham is a space in the middle of kitchen with iron grills on the top.  this is the space where ladies wash dishes and use for other kitchen cleaning works. It would be an awesome feel to sit around this mutham when it rains as the rain water pours through those iron grills. Beyond kitchen, there was a big backyard with all sorts of vegetable/flowery plants and bathroom (again mama’s house was the first in the village to build a bathroom much to our relief). There was no vertical partition at any room, the rooms were built one after the other so if you look from the front porch you can see the backyard door all the way at the back.  One of my favorite spot at the house was the Unjal (Swing) at minnu veedu that was fixed only when we visit, rest of the days they were tied up to the uthiram (Ceiling). From, minnu veedu stairs were built inside the house to reach second floor where there was two more rooms and an open verandah (from this verandah you can see the front porch and street),  these rooms were always allocated to the newly married of the house :) . At the back of the open space of second floor there was an other flight of stairs to reach the mottai maadi (open terrace) at third floor. This is where we hide most of the times while playing hide and seek or this is where we come to have private talks. There is no doubt that the house has a magnanimous look from the street view.

The house that can easily fit in minimum 50 people anytime is now housing only my maami and have started to give up on its infrastructure for past few months. Walls started to crack and small creatures were creeping in during winter. After so many months of discussion and postponement a decision was finally made by mama’s sons to demolish this grand witness of four generation. It pricks my heart to realize that I am not going to see this house anymore. Amma will definitely have a hard copy of the house at least in her marriage picture collections. On my next visit to India, I must get that picture from her and save it as a soft copy for posterity.

May god give all the strength and courage to my maami who strongly refused to move with her children and chose to continue her life alone in the same place of that legendary house.

This is my small tribute to the house that has played a major part in making my childhood as beautiful as possible and that taught me the value of relationships.

Sandy updates

Oops in the previous post I was also planning to update about Sandy’s impact on us but totally missed it.  Thanks to all who checked on us.  We started feeling the impact on Monday (10/29) morning. It was windy outside, very windy that the traffic lights were swaying crazily and lamp post did their part too.  The direct impact was on Monday night when we lost power. Luckily, we lost power late night so slept through the rest of the night as the weather was cool and manageable without heat.  The next 3 days were spent with no power, no heat again thanked our stars as we had gas and hot water. Managed chillness by wearing fleece inside home.

First day was spent with reading books, chatting, cooking and with a long siesta. Adi spent half of her day with the kids living in our apartment at their home.

Second day, M left to work promising to return in couple of hours but returned home after 10pm so it was just Adi and myself all day staring at each other not knowing what to do. Still we managed to do a lot. We woke up late, had late breakfast, cooked elaborately, took a stroll around neighborhood, spent time at neighbor’s (H patti) home, played board games, solved sudoku (did I say Adi can now solve the Easy ones within 10 minutes), read books, had candle light dinner and went to snoozeland (RM’s copyright word).

Third day, M’s workplace restored power so he resumed work as usual. I was not prepared to handle the girl all day by myself so spent the day at our friend’s place who got power the day before. Adi was happy to play with her schoolmates all day, I was happy chatting with the friend/hooked on to my laptop and our gadgets were happy as they were fed 100%.  I took all the food we prepared the previous day and we shared lunch. We came back home before it was getting dark as curfew was in place at our area from 7pm to 7am.  Just to let you know, these days it gets dark by 5pm. Winter is here and we are all set to cover ourselves with those extra layer of clothes before stepping out. Sighh. Its just starting and I am already cursing it. We still have so many more winter months to go.

Came back home, had evening snacks and started with cooking preparations. what else can we do? I took my own time to cut the veggies in candle light and Adi was glued to me as she was scared of the darkness around.  And then the miracle happened to be precise at 7:46pm. The moment that will stay in my memory forever and ever. That moment, we all were standing close to each other at Kitchen. Adi glued to me, myself sauteing something in the stove, M next to me looking for some snacks from the cupboard and suddenly it happened, the miracle. Power came back on and we were all teeth. Adi was jumping in joy non stop for more than 5 minutes. We felt like as if we got our life back. Our neighbors knocked on the door after some time and all we did was just laughing. None of us could stop smiling. Flashlights and candles were bid adieu and we were so thrilled for the rest of the day night. I returned the calls to all our friends who had called to check on us and invited us to their home. Then, went to bed for a warm sleep with heat on.

On Friday, everything returned to normal at least for us. Our adjacent street got power only last night, some people around neighborhood still don’t have power/gas/water, some of our friend’s house were flooded, public commutes (especially the tunnel train) are yet to operate fully, tunnel connecting NY/NJ is yet to be opened and shops doesn’t have the needed goods yet.  Adi’s school was reopened today after more than a week of closing.

Guess what tops the girl’s priority list now? Its electricity. We are getting ear full from her if we leave the light on at a room with nobody or leave the charger plugged to the plug point. “Don’t waste electricity” is her mantra now.

The city is still struggling to restore back to normal and here we are again hit by another Nor’easter. Hope this is not as bad as Sandy. Right now the weather is very bad outside.. snow/rain/wind all at the same time.  M is on his way to pick us up early. Hope tomorrow will dawn better for us.

ETA: A view from my office lobby. Took this pic as I was waiting for M at 4:45pm. The weather outside is terrible.

On a different note, last weekend we made these Diwali Diya’s at home. I have posted the instructions at IMC.

Do I deserve this?

One evening I saw this note near bedroom door and the door was locked with the girl inside. All this because I asked her to write few extra lines.

And today she is at home with her appa. Her school is closed today and the cashew nut enthu cutlet in me volunteered to work from home but she replied with a strict NO.  She added “I want appa to work from home” just to break my already broken heart into million pieces.

She thinks I exist only to make her drink milk, eat vegetables, do homework, wash face in the evening, brush teeth in the night et all..

Her frequent questions to me…

why does everything has to happen in your way?

will I ever get my free time? (especially when she just enjoyed all the free time and I ask her to write)

why should I listen to you always? why can’t you listen to me today? (Just to clarify listening to her means letting her watch more TV)

Don’t say anything now. I know what you are going to say.  (When I call her name out to drink milk or do homework)

and she has bestowed me with the names as evil mommy, mean mommy and what not..

All these in spite of having ample only free times on weekend, watching half hour of TV every evening,  amma reading book to her at bedtime, buying her reward for all petty things (okayyy may be petty for me but not for her), spending quality time with her by making crafts or playing games.

where am I lagging? I am not denying the fact that there are “you are the best mommy”, “I love you sooo much” moments too but somehow today the negative force is dominating my mind.

The last words I heard from her today before leaving to work is “Go away…”  because I gave her a glass of milk to drink after breakfast :( .

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this post took a new turn

This post was supposed to be a lighter one teasing the big hue and cry Adi was making about the nail scratch in her hand early this week like don’t touch it, I don’t want to bath with this boo boo, do I need a band aid?, I am not able to lift my hand, can you feed me today? … I even took a picture of that nail scratch but not in a mood to upload it as  yesterday the girl returned home with a bigger one .. multiple scratches in her face..  She and her friend ran towards the water fountain and in that race this girl fell down flat with her face hitting the ground resulting in scratches on one side of her face on cheek, nose, lips, chin and chest..  when I went to pick-up she was standing there alone with a wet tissue covering one side of her face. That moment I knew she got hurt and without noticing anyone on the way I was literally running towards her to take off the tissue and see the details.  The scratches are minor and she should be alright in couple of days but what bothers me is why didn’t she protect her face with hand? M says she lacks that reflexive action like him. Is that true? I guess kids or any human use their hands as first weapon to protect.  I have seen kids hurting their hand or knees.  Is it common to hurt their face without hurting  hand or knee?  The same incident happened few years back. It is the same place of the cheek that is hurt now.. Accident like these happens but I am telling you it is very hard to accept…

Her first question after I picked up was can I go to school tomorrow? She wanted to go as the summer camp’s this week theme is “Holiday week” and today they are having a Halloween costume contest. She has been planning for this day for more than a week now.  I just replied with my usual “Let’s see”. She was very upset and I was more upset than her.  The moment I see her face to face my eyes well up. Later I consoled her rather myself by saying “I will do anything she wants today”..  guess this little devil’s response? she wanted to do a TV marathon. I agreed. she knows me better huh? The first thing she did after reaching home is see her face in mirror.  It was tough to see her.  She refused to join me to the library as she didn’t want to show her boo boo to anyone.  The day ended with applying Betnovate, more TV and she got all that she asked for that minor nail scratch…

Today morning one of the wiggly tooth at bottom row fell off but she was okay with it as it was due to fall for quite some time.  She was feeling better and we left the option of going to school to her.  She choose to go. So, she is at school now with the Halloween costume and I am here with the mommy guilt. Did she get hurt because I was teasing her with that minor nail scratch? Anyways I am planning to pick her up early today and pamper her for rest of the day… We might even skip the annual corporate family picnic this weekend. I don’t want to take her to the crowd if she is not comfortable.. poor girl.. this is not the way I wanted her summer to be but we have no option … :(

Down in the dumps

Something was pulling me away from updating my FB status as “I am in heaven” though I was truly in heaven for the initial four days after my parents landed here. I finally managed to change my FB status on Tuesday late night and just within next 6 hours on Wednesday morning M returned home at unusual time from office complaining shortness of breath and dizziness. He had passed out at office couple of times. Then, I rushed home and took him to ER. The doctors were quick; they diagnosed it as Pericarditis and had put him on antibiotics. He was hospitalized till yesterday. Fortunately he felt better with the antibiotics through IV and has been advised to take it easy for rest of this week. The cause is unknown though it was believed to be a viral infection. He has the follow-up on this Friday and should be back to work from next week.

My parents were of great help to me at this difficult time. All the plans I had for them has been collapsed. The 3 day tour to Niagara and Washington DC has been cancelled. I was so much looking forward to this tour that I am still finding it hard to believe that it is cancelled but my parents were in action right after M got admitted in the hospital. My father dropped and picked up Adi from school and my mom took complete control of the household while I stayed at the hospital with M.  I couldn’t put it in words as how much I regret for not giving the best of days to my parents though they feel satisfied that they were able to help me through this hard time. Sometimes I feel that I am not blessed to feel the joy from the bottom of my heart or the happiness doesn’t stick around with me for longer. I know I sound depressed. I am. This is a lifetime opportunity and I am going to miss it helplessly. They are all set to leave on the planned date (in another two days) as they have other duties though I failed to do the best I could as a daughter.

I wish to tell them this though they don’t read this blog

Sorry daddy…  Sorry amma…

Maternal grandma

is no more. She is called by everyone as “ayimma” and for us the grand children she is “pattatha/chinnatha”. Her real name is “Pattammal”

Last time we were together was when Adi was born. She reached home when my due date was nearing and stayed back till Adi was 2 months old. She was in the hospital when Adi was born. She took care of E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G even bathing me for the initial one week. She prepared all medicinal value food for us and massages Adi with the baby oil at least 30 minutes before she takes bath. She was handling all the home remedies and old aged good stuffs that a mother and new born should take care of.

She has 9 grand children and 14 grand-grand-children. She was a part of almost all the birth stories of these grand and grand-grand children. Maternal grandpa passed away almost 15 years back. Till yesterday she was cooking self.

She is an expert in making south Indian sweets (especially somasa (not samosa) and jangiri). Till my school days I spent all summer holidays at her place with other cousins. She enjoys buying matching stuffs (bangles, ear rings, skirts) for me and my younger cousin sister. When we are with her she prepares idli batter with the “aatukkal” and makes idli for us as we may catch cold if we eat the “paazhaiya sadam” that she eats. She will be behind us for every meal as we roam around. The proud in her face when we walk along with her on streets “en pethi leave-kku vandhirukka (Eng: My grand daughter had come for vacation”)”. The tea she makes mid morning. We keep her super duper busy for that one month. Like normal patti’s she doesn’t carry advising/complaining nature with herself. She handles things coolly and better understands this generation. At her middle age she was a commendable partner for my thatha in field works, and milks the cows herself twice every day once early morning around 4:30 am and another mid afternoon around 2:30 pm. She doesn’t sell them during our stay. She knows to ride bullock cart. My mom after serving us through out the year enjoys food at her hand when she stays with my patti. She was a living role model to many people in our village. She was staying with my mom for the past one month and went back to village just a week back. Guess, the whole village would have assembled there by now.

I am blessed to have experienced so much of care and love. My thoughts are after you chinnatha. This post brings back all sweet memories. I don’t know how else I can pay my tribute to you other than dedicating this post to you.

May your soul rest in peace.

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