Eve of 9th July 2009

Yesterday, for the nth time I decided to control my anger towards Adi (my 4 yrs old daughter/companion).. I promised myself that I should not yell at her anymore for small reasons, I should not make her mad often… Started form office a little early around 4:40 (my usual time is 5pm) and reached Adi’s daycare at 5 dot.. Its a 15 min walk from my workplace. Picked her and on the way back home we were discussing about her options for the snack.. she asked a number of questions…

Adi : Do you have bread at home ?
Me : Yes honey we have..
Adi : That’s okay I dont need bread today..
Adi : Do you have dates at home ?
Me : Yes honey we have..
Adi : But, I dont feel like eating dates today…
Me : would you like to try toasted bread with chicked nuggets ?
Adi : Na.. I dont think I will like it.. But, I have a plan toast two breads. one for you and one for me but remember if I dont like it then you have to eat both the breads. Does that sound like a good plan ?
Me : Indeed.. Agreed maam
We reached home and she had snacks without any fuss. Now, its time for writing and today I decided to sit next to her for the writing session (usually I do my kitchen work and by the side guide her through writing)
We decided to do writing in the backyard and set the place. We spent the next 40 mins there to do one row of math addition and speak lot about ..
the neighbour house,
the small tree,
cat that lives in our backyard,
construction happening behind our house,
what she did at daytime,
what’s there for dinner,
which cartoon she can watch and what she can play after writing,
is it Friday tomorrow ?
what if a bumblebee comes next to us ?
why is the backyard door open ?
how her children behaved when she was playing as a teacher ?
what she likes to eat ?
what her friends are doing now ?
will they finish writing faster that her ?
which row are they into now ?
what if it rains now ?
and so on….. (assume each question repeated again in different combinations…)
I handled all these questions very politely (controlling self internally that I should not make her mad and need more patience) But, all of a sudden my temper grow very high after 40 mins…. I took her books off, told her that I cannot stay with her anymore expecting that she would continue her writing, she dont need to do writing she can opt to remain as a “makku pillai”… I was very much harsh to her (the degree was more than any other normal day) and did not talk with her until we went to bed… Yesterday, I was planning to start fresh reading lesson and had a new set of print outs on tamil alphabets but all in vain…

the evening was worse than any other day… I fail again and again in controlling my anger towards her…

before going to bed…

Adi: mommy, I love you
Me: But, I dont love you because I am mad at you
Adi: mommy, I want to sleep with you
Me: But, I dont want to sleep with you as I am mad at you
Adi: mommy, please can I sleep with you
Me: do you hear what I am saying ? I am mad at you.. do you know why I am mad at you ?
Adi: enakku theriyadhae
Me: then forget it I dont want to talk with you
Adi: If I tell you the reason why you are mad at me, will you talk with me ?
Me: first tell me the reason, then I will decide about talking
Adi: because I didnot do my writing good
Me: why you did not do your writng good ?
Adi: because I dont like it anymore
Me: so, you opt to be a makku pillai
Adi: NNOOO I dont want to be a makku pillai
Me: then, you should do your writing properly
Adi: ok mommy, from tomorrow I will do my writing properly.. will you talk with me now ?
Me: yes, I will talk with you now… let’s go to bed…
Adi: yeeaahhh…
Me: Will you make mommy mad again ?
Adi: No…
Me: I love you, good night and sweet dreams honey…
Adi: I love you, good night and sweet dreams mommy
she didnot remember anything today morning and something ithes me that I have done a big mistake by being so harsh to her….
I understand that kids cannot be forced to do anything…but I dont know if I had to be strict to her when it comes to studies….


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