Thanks a ton

My dear blog friends,

Thank you all so much for those positive comments on my previous post. It helped me to recuperate faster and get back on my shoes. Friday evening when Adi came to pick me up from office she didn’t remember anything about that mad morning. She was behaving usual telling me she has a surprise for me at home and wish I like it :). The long weekend that followed helped me to patch up our relationship. I took her for a birthday party, we played games, danced, read books together and just relaxed at home on all three days. She drew couple of pictures for me. I prepared her favorite yellow beans kuzhambu (lilva beans curry with tamarind paste as base) on Sunday for lunch and gave her all the free time she needed.

This has been happenning for a while now though I blogged about it only last week. I see that the issue is to do too much stuff in less time every weekday evening. We reach home at 6pm and by 9pm we should be done with her snack/TV/homework/dinner/play/pee/poop/brush. Even if one task slips I go mad. One day she wants to watch more TV, other day she doesn’t like the dinner and takes longer time to eat, other day her appa returns early and they play for more time, other day she has too much homework to finish. Which one can I compromise here? And if I rush her to do the stuff she gets mad at me :(. The “you-have-to-eat-by-your-own” mommy in me have even started feeding her dinner as she is doing her homework. If she doesn’t hit the bed by 9pm that means we cannot read a book and she cannot sleep by 9:30pm. My initial plan was to make her go to bed by 8:30pm and read book for half hour but that was tedious is the least to say. If you backtrack to hit bed by 8:30 I have to feed her by 7:30 that means I should finish my cooking before 7:30 which never happens 😦 I am not that type to pester her always but do I really have an option here?

Someday’s as I check her folder I pray that she should have less homework. I know it sounds crazy but how else can I buy in time? I am clueless.

Anyways two days back while I was reading a book for her I casually told her that she is getting mad at me often these days and that makes me feel sad. She rebelled that I also get mad at her and we promised each other to behave better and we are in good terms now πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ Phewww

One thing for sure is its time to take my parenting skills to next level. Is there any book on “how-to-deal-with-a-7-8-yr-old”? Any direction is much appreciated.

Your comments made me realize the fact that I myself have tortured amma enough in my days. She is the person I have troubled the most in my life. The table has turned and now I am on the receiving end. Β Life has come to a full circle. I should learn (quickly) to accept it happily (is there any other way out?). After all if not me who else can bear all her anger and madness? Come on darling pour it on me. Here is a zen mommy all ready to tackle it now πŸ™‚

Thanks again for all your lovely comments. I am blessed to have you all in my life.

Edited to add: For the smile

Adi says “I wish I don’t poop soon. why so? I wish all that yummy stuff I ate stays in my tummy for longer time. Β That that person that that worry πŸ™‚

Cheers,
Ani

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30 thoughts on “Thanks a ton

  1. I can so identify with you, Ani. Just that I have 2 yr olds instead of 7! I think I will be bald by the time my kids grow up to be independent. πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

    Actually, come to think of it, I think a lot of us are programmed to be scheduled. Its both a boon and a bane. If I don’t finish cooking my dinner by 7, I kind of get tensed. For what? I don’t know. The kids eat their dinner only by 8. The husband, is completely on the opposite side. Nothing can make him time-conscious. But the fact is he is happy all the time, while I am tensed mostly. Some times, I feel, its better to let go. But I simply can’t.

    Sorry.. I just went on a tangent. Just wanted to say you will be fine. And loved Adi’s logic! πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

    • It is easier to go by schedule when we have limited time in hand to juggle between different tasks no? M also doesn’t go by time.. I am the tension party when it comes to managing home 😦 I prefer to be a well-oiled machine atleast for household chores.. πŸ™‚
      you don’t have to say sorry and all SnS.. I can also so relate to you..

  2. This sounds so positive πŸ˜€ Am happy for you…

    The schedule part – Im a crazy schedule person too-10mins here and there I begin to stress. And a lot of times in hind-sight it really doesnt matter. So, its OK, give her the extra 5mins to play and tell her that it will reduce 5 mins in her story-time – ask her if she is ok with that. That will probably also teach her some small prioritising of her own tasks which might make her happy that you are considering her opinions too…

    Just a thought…

    • thanks RS.. It was all your comments that made me think πŸ™‚ you thought is definitely valuable.. I am trying to work out a solution that is amicable to both of us πŸ™‚

  3. LOL on the ETA..

    Well, try and read Sangi’s blog she gives a lot of inputs on how to bring up your kids πŸ™‚

    Hugs rey Ani…you know the best for your child…do things at your pace..and you will get the right path

    • thanks for the blog info RM.. I will check it out..
      hugs RM.. I wish to work out something that’s amicable to both of us… I don’t believe in this constant shouting or follow-up for every task..

  4. Don’t worry, I am sure you will figure out a way to get things sorted..
    Just a thought.. Could you cook some things and freeze them on the weekends? So you can reduce your cooking time during weekdays? That way you might have more time with Adi… And she can have an earlier dinner?

    You know, I gave Poohi an incentive to finish her work quickly. Every time she does her Kumon in record time, she gets a coin – she gets a 1p coin – but that does not faze her:) That helped her concentrate better on her work. We do homework/Kumon/spellings in the morning – it works better for us, she is brighter, and gets it out of the way quicker. The only thing she does in the evening is her reading. I am not sure if this helps – but I found that Poohi was better in the morning that the evenings. I get her in bed by 7:30 – so she gets up nice and fresh in the morning – all ready to do her work..

    I am sure you will find a way, something that works for all of you:) Hugs and all the best!

    • thanks Smitha.. that’s a nice idea.. I actually cook partially on weekend like I make chapathi in bulk for a week but the problem here is making her do everything. She cannot compromise on eating snack or watching TV while eating snack. That easily eats up to 30 to 45 mins in the evening. If she eats snack and drinks a glass of milk at 6:30 then I cannot dump her with dinner at 7:30 😦 And the other challenge is to make her concentrate and do homework from 7 to 8pm.. This is the time she wants to play, talk and do everything else.. I find it difficult to shut her mouth when she comes eagerly to share something with me at this time 😦 Mornings are hectic Smitha. I had to pack dabbas for all of us, make our breakfast and leave home at 8:15am. As she goes to bed only at 9:30 we usually wake her up at 7:30am…

      Again thanks a lot for your inputs..

  5. It is so difficult, is it not? I already have issues, so can’t even imagine what will happen when Buzz and Bugz grow up.

    As someone said give Adi choices and let the pic where she wants to spend more time and where it is ok to spend less time. Hugs.

  6. Hey, commenting for the first time here. I feel I can so relate to this post. My daughter is 4 years old, smaller than Adi and cannot express herself in the same way as Adi does. But I do notice changes in her behavior when I spend more quality time with her, don’t rush her up with daily chores. She is less cranky and better behaved. Having said that it is tough on weekdays to find time from the regular chores and not to rush her up for going to bed 😦
    Hugs!

    • Hey LS.. welcome here.. yeah that’s exactly is the problem I have.. I don’t like to rush her but there is no enough time in hand to let her do stuff at her own pace 😦 hugs LS

  7. Love the optimistic note of the post.
    You’ll be fine Ani, don’t tax your already over-working mind with worries. I agree with Smitha on cooking up some dishes to last for a few days. It’ll be helpful on over-busy days, will give you more time with Adi and it’ll also add to variety at dinner table.(mix and match dishes to create interesting combinations)
    While was overseas, I used to do some extra cooking over the weekend (even though we were just two of us) to accommodate my other hobbies so that work life wouldn’t take toll over my personal life.

    Tight hugs sweetie πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

    • I do partially cook on weekends ME.. like I have mentioned in my reply to Smitha its about managing Adi’s time to do all her task :(.. Anyways I am feeling a lot better now after sharing it here and getting back loads of positive and nice comments.. πŸ™‚ hugs ME..

  8. My girl is also 7.5 years old; I work full time and get home by 5.
    My neighbor pick her up by 3 in the bus stop and my daughter bath by herself (even though she doesn’t do a really good job I let her do it practice make it perfect)
    Has snack and milk by I get home and home work already done or doing it.

    – With homework I let her finish it by herself no checking involved with me it is her 100% her responsibility. I do review her works about twice a week that’s it.

    – She reads and play with her sister until 7.

    – My kids don’t eat spicy food so I make them what they like to eat make sure it’s healthy and done cooking for all of us by 7’o clock.

    – We eat at 7-7.30 until 8 they watch t.v play faster they eat more time to watch t.v

    – By 8 brushing getting to bed by 9 kids are sleeping

    • Welcome here ava.. Even at Adi’s school teachers recommend not to review homework so that they can identify the mistakes the kid makes but I would like to review at least for first grade as some stuffs are pretty new to her.. I have stopped sitting next to her these days. she finishes them by herself and then brings it to me for review.. I wish I could follow your routine πŸ™‚ but we reach home only by 6pm and then her snack/TV/homework/dinner/brushing/reading countdown starts.. 😦

  9. Ani, read this and feel I am going to be in your shoes soon. Though Bandar is just 2. Our evenings are crazy too normally. But in our case I can cut one activity like books before bed if she delays other tasks, plus I feed her dinner quickly instead of eat by yourself thingee to save time. I am a tensed person in general and shudder to think how I will possibly make evenings work when she is older and has homework and all this.
    One thought – is she in some after school program?Why can’t they supervise homework so she has very little left to do at home?
    Also why TV everyday? Why can’t it be just weekends? She can save her TV time and DVR shows maybe for a 2 hr stretch on weekends..some incentive like that?
    Also another question is till what age do you plan on supervising homework, Ani?
    I was left to do my own homework at the grand old age of 12, which was very late in my opinion. Mom should have let me start and struggle on my own a little earlier.Might have taught me independence.

    I used to return home at 4 pm I think as an 8 year old and not 6 PM. Mom worked but was back home before me as she left super early. She supervised homework and I had zero TV. I also always had Hindi tuitions etc , and always went downstairs to play. Very different schedule from today’s kids.

    • this was 2 years back but honestly the situation has not changed much yet.. read my latest post πŸ™‚ Now, Adi handles everything by herself just that I have to keep reminding her. I don’t go into details of what she does in terms of homework. I think it happens naturally. At one stage we will know that we can’t contribute to homework anymore. Maybe around 3rd grade I guess.
      Yes, she is in after school but they don’t get home work help so certain things that needs googling and help will come home. Unfortunately these work will take more time too 😦
      TV – I have seen many mom’s following TV only on weekends rule. It is good if you are able to bring in this rule early. It is too late in our case. So, I kept it as 30 mins for a day. Or try it as a reward like if they finish all their work early, screen time can be a reward.
      Key is we should not let them default on any assignment. That way in long run they will get the responsibility to do things on their own on time. Like I let go if she doesn’t practice piano every day but make sure she practices at least the day before the class.
      All I can say is there is no one stop solution for this. We have to tweak what works for our kid by not pushing them too hard too.. Striking balance should be a continuous effort. We fail at times too but can’t give up.. Hope this helps.. big big hugs coming your way..

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