I stand guilty

For passing the golden opportunities thrown my way at work citing personal constraints. This is not the first time its happening and the guiltiness manifolds every time. How I wish to grab all those opportunities not worrying about the other side of life.

For not handing over the US home to the owner in the way he expected it to be. He said the cleaning we did was not sufficient and the OCD in me took it to heart. We should have cleaned it, I mean the intricate spaces behind the refrigerator, gas stove unit and the tile floors. We lived in the house for six years.  In retrospect, I feel we should have done a better job with cleaning. The guiltiness engrossed my mind and I felt ashamed to call myself an OCD when the house owner mentioned that he was not happy with the cleaning that was done. I should have scrubbed, mopped and polished more…

For not paying heed to daughter’s request. She wants a bicycle. She wants a bed in her room. She wants to decorate and setup her room. She needs a better piano. As the uncetainity is again lifting its head in our life we have kept aside all of her wants and needs that either makes a hole in the pocket or occupies more space.

For not spending quality time with LHB. I have to admit that the second born are the poor souls. I notice that my attention is still with the first born. She takes most of my time. When he is with me he either baths or eats or sleeps or poops. All other times he is outsourced to the in-laws. Wish the fella will start demanding soon.

For always clinging tight to the feeling that I am not doing anything substantial, that I am wasting all my time. What should I do to make me feel contented is a big question to self itself. There is some feeling of emptiness lingering around my mind always. Hope it vanishes away soon..

Its one of those days!!!

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