I was in a dilemma of whether to vent it out or not and finally decided to go with the former.
I have a friend a very close one but not in regular touch who once (read as some two years ago) had a financial emergency. The friend called me, explained the situation, asked for help and promised to return the money in less than a week.
I explained the situation to M, he got in touch with his friend at India who has the same bank account as my friend and can transfer the Indian currency to my friend’s account right away. M transferred the equivalent US dollars to his friend’s account. All this happened within a day as we totally understood the friend’s emergency.
But, what followed after that made me feel sick. The friend had occasional contact with me and used to tell that the situation is bad and will return the money soon. I simply replied with a “that’s fine. take care” message. Now, it has been more than many months and the friend doesn’t even talk about it. Worst, the friend never spoke to M after that incident. The friend had his/her own ups and downs in this period or so I convinced myself. I assume the friend leads a normal life for a while now and if the friend had the heart to repay it should not be a big deal. No, I am not judging but the circumstances appears so. It is not huge money at all for any IT professional earning abroad (read as less than 15% of the average monthly wage at US).
Forget about the money, what about the trust? Of course, the friend had also helped me at many occasions in the past but..
Even now I am not feeling angry, instead I am surrounded with fear!
I only fear for the trust that’s already broken!
I only fear for helping another friend in need in future!
I only fear for to be taken for granted!
I only fear for the perception, M would build (or already built!) around my own friend as he was the one who went out of the way to help in need!
What does the friend really have in mind? Is the friend also thinking in same line, as its not a huge money for two paycheck people, so why bother to return?
I don’t want to ask the friend but at the deep of my heart I feel betrayed, very deeply!
Between my littles and me 
Hugs Ani…
I too would have felt betrayed in such situation. People many a times think that just because you have the money they have a right to take it from you and not return. They don’t see the hard work you put to earn the money..
Hope you will find a closure to this and be able to overcome the betrayal..
Hope so t2m.. it was a very good friend and the pain is more than the anger!!
Thats really bad of her to do so. More than anything, she has lost your trust and friendship.
I have seen this happen a lot, with my dad. People who are in need sound so desperate. Once they get the help, they forget about the one who helped them. And sometimes, there is a mentality that – whats the big deal? He/She is earning well only. I dont understand at all. Its someone else’s hard earned money. And no, its not a simple issue.
I am still not sure gb!! If the friend calls me tomorrow and plans a visit to my home, I would even welcome and host them happily. A very good friend but I don’t know why this sudden change in behavior!!
Thats unfair…you should just ask rey Ani..whats wrong in asking! Tell your friend, I need the money, please transfer back…I am the type who believes in this philosophy, I will give you money when you need it ,but will ask it back as well!
I like this. I was about to tell Ani that she should ask the money back too! They should learn to not to take people for granted.
hmm.. Its tough Maya! Atleast for now!
Its very tough RM!! I can’t bring myself up to ask..
I feel you should ask it back, if not for anything, it is your hard earned money and a person who takes needs to understand the fact. This has happened with me during a shopping mode when the said friend to pay back at all. It hurts when people take you for granted.
hurts very badly esp. when it happens to be your best buddy isn’t it? I didn’t want to mention in the post but I have gone beyond my ability to help this friend in the past!!
I can understand it’s extremely difficult situation to be in. It may feel awkward to ask someone back for your own money but you should. To put your mind at rest.
true! but after asking the mind will go through another set of turmoil! this mind I say!!
This is very bad and unfair!! I think there is nothing wrong in asking. But, you are telling it is tough. Ok, you don’t directly ask the money instead you tell them that it will change the perception of your husband (as you mentioned) or your family members about your friends or something in those lines.
Hugs!!
these days its even getting tough for me to start a casual conversation with the friend! I fear that if I initiate the convo then the friend will think of me like some “eeti-kaari” I know its been more than a year since we helped but but… Let’s me try to have a talk Bingo! the keyword is “try”.
My dad always said: lend money with the mindset that it is not coming back. If it comes back, good enough. If it did not, you never expected in the first place. But NEVER lend again to the same person.
Don’t ask your friend, if you needed the money you would have asked by now. What’s hurting you is the trust that you had that your friend would have reached out as to why she has not repaid the money.
Send a new year wish and ask general enquiries. Sound normal and no need to bring the topic of money.
you nailed it Rrmom! Yes, its the trust that’s bothering me so much..
Been there Ani. Its not the amount that matters, it is the attitude.
yup the attitude and the trust!!
I have gone through similar situation , in my case I have never got my money back 😦
oh hugs LF!!
Of course, the money matters. Especially when it is taken for granted. Returning promptly is one thing, apologising for the delay is a least expected courtesy. I fail to understand why one is considered mean when they are alert on money matters!
P.S: New reader here 🙂 jus reading your old post!
Its the fear and the trust that’s already broken!!
Hugs Ani. Been through this too 😦
hugs LS!!