Dusting from the drafts after a long time. This happened around an year ago. I had a friend who became very close to all in the family in a very short time. Very close that we were meeting and chatting every day. She is a crafty person and jumped into the idea when I discussed with her about my plan for Adi’s birthday. We discussed in the coming weeks, she shared few ideas and I slowly started to believe that she will give me a big hand during the party. Every time I had a new idea I would immediately share it with her looking for her acknowledgement. Amma agreed to engage LHB so I wanted another helping hand during party to make crafts, organize games and make cake pop with the girls. I was also constantly reminding her for more than a month that I would need her help on the d day. Every time we meet, party ideas was the main topic of discussion and I would jump like a small kid when new ideas were born.
Fast forward to the day before party. I made a breakdown plan of party time and shared it with her and that’s when she said “she is planning to go for shopping next day morning”. She added “the party is at 1pm right? I should be back by then”. I didn’t know how to react as I was looking for her help for arrangements in the morning too. M says I should have said it loud to her that I was looking for her presence in the morning. I had a lump in my throat and didn’t say anything to her. Later the day she helped with decorating cake but still I was not able to appreciate it. She also offered to give her house keys to me so that I can use the space for the party in cars if she comes back home late. I got totally pissed off with that offer. Seriously, is that the help I was looking for? I agree that my house was very small back then but I was able to well accommodate six girls in that tiny space. What I was looking for was more of an emotional support, just to be around with me and help me if needed. Sometimes, just the presence of someone would give us the confidence. I was looking for that kind of support to not feel left out and pressurized. Just to give me a helping hand.
On party day, she made a quick visit at around 3pm to see how things are progressing and disappeared in minutes. I felt so helpless and that’s when “do-it-if-you-can-manage-by-yourself” M came to my rescue. He was out the whole morning too and when returned asked me surprisingly if my friend didn’t come to help me. May be, he noticed the panic on my face. I will be ever grateful to him for his act on that day. He helped me with everything when I was this close to call it off. The emotional stress was too much to handle than the physical one.
Things were never the same between us from then. I couldn’t talk normally to her. Not at all. I pulled myself out completely from that relationship. I crushed the plans I had for Adi’s summer break involving her. Its probably the expectation and dejection following that. The wound was too deep to forget and forgive. I neither responded to her messages nor tried to contact her after we moved to new place.. I cannot maintain hi-bye personal relationship with someone I truly liked. I treated her more like my own sister.
Did I have very high expectation? All I ask myself often is why did she ditch me at last minute? How can I trust her again? Did I do anything wrong? I don’t know but all I know for sure is I cannot reestablish my relationship with her ever again!! It’s a glass broken. Can’t be fixed.
It has taken me almost an year to get it out of my system. Pheww!!!