Dusting from the drafts after a long time. This happened around an year ago. I had a friend who became very close to all in the family in a very short time. Very close that we were meeting and chatting every day. She is a crafty person and jumped into the idea when I discussed with her about my plan for Adi’s birthday. We discussed in the coming weeks, she shared few ideas and I slowly started to believe that she will give me a big hand during the party. Every time I had a new idea I would immediately share it with her looking for her acknowledgement. Amma agreed to engage LHB so I wanted another helping hand during party to make crafts, organize games and make cake pop with the girls. I was also constantly reminding her for more than a month that I would need her help on the d day. Every time we meet, party ideas was the main topic of discussion and I would jump like a small kid when new ideas were born.
Fast forward to the day before party. I made a breakdown plan of party time and shared it with her and that’s when she said “she is planning to go for shopping next day morning”. She added “the party is at 1pm right? I should be back by then”. I didn’t know how to react as I was looking for her help for arrangements in the morning too. M says I should have said it loud to her that I was looking for her presence in the morning. I had a lump in my throat and didn’t say anything to her. Later the day she helped with decorating cake but still I was not able to appreciate it. She also offered to give her house keys to me so that I can use the space for the party in cars if she comes back home late. I got totally pissed off with that offer. Seriously, is that the help I was looking for? I agree that my house was very small back then but I was able to well accommodate six girls in that tiny space. What I was looking for was more of an emotional support, just to be around with me and help me if needed. Sometimes, just the presence of someone would give us the confidence. I was looking for that kind of support to not feel left out and pressurized. Just to give me a helping hand.
On party day, she made a quick visit at around 3pm to see how things are progressing and disappeared in minutes. I felt so helpless and that’s when “do-it-if-you-can-manage-by-yourself” M came to my rescue. He was out the whole morning too and when returned asked me surprisingly if my friend didn’t come to help me. May be, he noticed the panic on my face. I will be ever grateful to him for his act on that day. He helped me with everything when I was this close to call it off. The emotional stress was too much to handle than the physical one.
Things were never the same between us from then. I couldn’t talk normally to her. Not at all. I pulled myself out completely from that relationship. I crushed the plans I had for Adi’s summer break involving her. Its probably the expectation and dejection following that. The wound was too deep to forget and forgive. I neither responded to her messages nor tried to contact her after we moved to new place.. I cannot maintain hi-bye personal relationship with someone I truly liked. I treated her more like my own sister.
Did I have very high expectation? All I ask myself often is why did she ditch me at last minute? How can I trust her again? Did I do anything wrong? I don’t know but all I know for sure is I cannot reestablish my relationship with her ever again!! It’s a glass broken. Can’t be fixed.
It has taken me almost an year to get it out of my system. Pheww!!!
Interesting, I don’t think you expected much at all . Especially if she was involved till that point from what you say. One thing I have realized in situations like this , with good friends is to be very clear about what you expect. Like I need you there 2 hours before the party, not when the guests come etc. I did this for my baby shower with my friend. Very clear on what I needed from her. Of course , we were very close and from this it doesn’t appear that you were comfortable enough to do that and not that close.
I did tell her days before the party but just didnt feel like repeating it when she ditched me just a day before..
I am not sure what to say. But yes, incidents such as these do happen all the time. I don’t think your expectations were set too high at all. 😦
I am not sure Deboshree.. thanks for your kind words..
Hugs, Ani. I don’t know what to say.. I can imagine how let down you feel. Maybe she didn’t feel as close to you as you felt.. Maybe she just didn’t care enough. Whatever might be the case, at least you know where you stand with her. Hugs!
hugs Smitha..yes situations like this make us see the real face of some people!
You know, what you did was right! I have been in this situation. My friend woukd call me one day before to help in the pre party preps and on the day of party, obviously I am supposed to help, which I did. One day, she was going to market and I asked her to get me flowers for puja, for 10 rupees. She refused saying she didn’t have 10 bucks. Left before I could get her those 10 rupees! But I am a fool. I still help her. But not anymore!
And no, you were not expecting much!
hugs smdeea11.. I hope what I did was right but sometimes I feel guilty for not responding to her messages.. At the same time I can’t stand her fooling me again as now I can understand her intention of our relationship.. hugs to you again..
I don’t think your expectations were high.. Its sad that people cannot keep up after they commit to something..
thanks Sia.. yes I felt very bad and was literally down for few days after the incident happened…
Why would someone do this?! I can totally understand your feelings Ani. Hugs.
hugs GB and thanks..
It happens but I prefer that you patch up if there is any way…..
Like I mentioned in the post I don’t think I can patch up again.. what if she fools me again?
yes you expected too much.. The world we live in is weird , in this world everyone wants what they want from you and YOU HAVE TO DO IT .. but when the tables are turned it never works .. sad sad I know because I beleive in old school .. I dont beleive that I should have to ask a friend they should know, as I dont expect to be told I know what i need to do
I will give you a small example the start of this year has been horrible and is still continuing with things happening over which i have no control at all.. on 1st jan something happened I called one friend in India and told him, Since then Everyday I get a call TWICE from him and others too asking , and I am not boasting .. In context to a couple of Friends here who are supposedly best mates but they had 6 minutes for me and that too on the day.
Do I expect more YES I DO.. I expected them to be standing with me when i am at my lowest..
I dont think we need friends like that , it is a harsh world yes but then if we DONT have such friends then maybe we can reduce the harshness a teeny weeny bit..
I have learnt one is one their own.. Look at the blog world go throguh my posts in 2012 you will see many so called best friends-brothers-sisters etc etc vanished and yet they were the ones who were supposedly best BLOG-DOSTS 🙂
and good it is out of your system .. 🙂
Oh damn it seems I have got carried away .. sorry sorry sorry 🙂
chillax and hey you should have invited me for the party 😦 😦 😦 I could have HELPED you polish off all that foood .. YOU can trust me on that PAKKA 🙂 🙂 🙂
Yeah I read about you mentioning these not-so-friends at local.. thanks for such a nice comment and letting me know that I am not alone.. we should actually stay away from them..
that was just a small scale kids party I arranged at home Bikram.. I will invite you for a bigger party:)
Hugs Ani.. Lesson learnt but in a hard way.
I hope I have learned my lesson Sri.. Because you know when I find another friend whom I would lik, I will not hesitate to get closer with them even if their intention is different..