Two digits? already? You are growing way too fast for me to get adjust to it. I don’t know if I should continue with birthday letters in coming years as all the mushy part of our relationship has vanished in thin air. If at all I write, it will be more like a report or in complaining mode rather than a heartwarming letter that I dream to read with you someday. I don’t blame you pappa. Its your age.
If you are asked to choose the most annoying person in this earth, you would point at me with no second thought. Such is our relationship now. I try my best to fix it but I keep failing miserably only to hear those golden words from you. An attempt to help you remember those golden words in case you forget them while reading this letter. “meany mommy”, “worst mommy ever”, “why should you be my mother”, “it is your fault”, “selfish mommy”, “I have an Amma who doesn’t care about her kids”. I am not mature enough to shrug off and move on even though the mind knows it is a shallow comment. It pains as if someone is pinching my heart. My two cents in corporate terms. Motherhood is the toughest job that makes one continuously strive for exceed expectation even after receiving the worst rating.
What should I do when you are not ready by 8:35 am so that I can drop you at school and then dial-in on time to my call at 9 am? To top that, on days when you are at your best, you get ready at snail’s pace just to make me late for my call. That is how you show it back to me. I end up apologizing at my work on most days for being late to the call. It is very tough for me pappa. Will you understand this any day?
This is just a sample of what is happening between us. You get annoyed with anything I try to say. I choose to stay quiet on some occasions but at some other occasions I feel it is my responsibility as a mother to correct your actions no matter what you think of me. It is okay if we are not friends anymore but I don’t want you to lose basic values of life. I know you will not lose the values as they have been built very strongly within you but still the mother in me gets into the panic mode. It is as simple as taking your plate to the sink after eating, putting your used clothes in dirty hamper and keeping things in its appropriate place. Is it too much to ask? You don’t like to do it at all and I had to force you to do it every single time. Changing your clothes and brushing your teeth before bedtime is another big task for you. All these might sound trivial but these are the things that makes our daily routine miserable.
I will repeat the same to you again and again. Please learn to appreciate good things around you especially what your family does for you and think for a minute before you point finger at others. will you? These days it sounds so natural for you to blame it on Amma. Your shoe is missing? Its Amma. You are late to school. Its Amma. You didn’t finish your assignment. Its Amma. LHB takes your stuff lying on the floor. Its Amma. Amma is turning to be your punching bag. I am trying to accept it. Trying…
You are happy with Appa as he doesn’t ask you to do any of this stuff. I mean, first he has to follow it right? Let alone telling you. I am literally tired of cleaning up after you guys. I have better jobs to do and wish you guys can respect my time. I feel like an alien in this family and sometimes you guys make me believe that I suffer from severe OCD. Is keeping our home neat and clean unnecessary? I rest my case!
Now, this is enough. Your birthday letter is turning to be my rant. I am sorry for this. But, I thought you should know about all this some day.
To the outside world, you are the best child ever. You are very social and nice to others. I don’t know if this is good or bad. Sometimes I feel good when people praise you but sometimes I wonder why you are so moody to me. Its partly on me too. I aka the punching bag should learn to take it easy and let go as you forget them soon too.
Your sarcasm amazes me. It hits me hard to realize that you are not little anymore. Unfortunately, your mother is not very good at understanding sarcasms. It takes me few minutes to even realize that it is one.
You have moved to a new school at new neighborhood this year and doing great. You got selected for advance learning program with zilch preparation and always like to be in good books of your teachers. You track all your school works by yourself and all I do is only to sign your report card and help you with projects occasionally. I am still pinching myself to believe that you will be stepping into middle school this year.
Boys are big no no and I am glad you have shared some of your friend’s
crushes secrets with me. Boys are lazy and dumb in your opinion. Eewwww would be your response if I ask you anything about your “boy” classmate.
You still don’t like pattu class but we are continuing in the hope that you might like it someday. You love art class. You are very proud of the landscape art you did recently. It took you more than 8 classes to complete this piece of work. How could I not frame it? It has now added more beauty to our living room.
You behaved like a charm when your little brother was seriously ill this year. No doubt, you are an adorable big sister as long as he doesn’t step on your toes. This fella, as a blessing of growing up, plays his part to the best to annoy you sometimes.
You have minor health issues that can be addressed with changing your life style slightly. Better eating habit and more physical activity is what you need. With summer around the corner, I am convinced that you will get more physical work in coming months.
Our gift to you this year is a bike and you have re-learned to ride it in two days after five years hiatus. Now, you can join your peers and ride around our community during weekends and evenings.
As it has become a tradition now, Amma will arrange for a treasure hunt on your special day and have planned a surprise for you. Will do a separate post about the party and surprise. I also did a surprise sign up at your school to display your name on the electronic board in front of your school. Apparently, your friend saw the sign board and broke the surprise to you before we could.
I truly believe that you have a beautiful heart and all these are just temporary and age appropriate behaviors.
Happy happy birthday pappa!!! That is how we call you at home. No matter how old you get, you will always be our pappa. I am blessed to have you as my daughter. There are some random moments in our everyday life when I pause and secretly admire you my darling. You have grown so much!
Indha maanae, thenae, ponmaanae ellam inimael only in letter (sweetheart, darling, cutie pie name calling is all only in letter). You don’t allow me to even hold your hand in public and keep a distance while we walk together. Where did that little girl vanish who run towards me and hug me tight when I pick her up from school? I know I will get that hug back someday.
Wishing you a healthy and happy year ahead pappa!
P.S: An update to all my readers. LHB is doing good now and staying at home with Amma. Thank you all once again for all your prayers.