Confused

Its a never ending story of my life.

Something happens to you which is totally unacceptable (almost close to committing a sin) in your life book. You give it a deep thought for extended time, decide to make peace with it to maintain your sanity, move on and think all is good.

But then on a random day something trivial triggers your thoughts and all those memories from past that you made peace with gushes over and makes you feel terrible. You sulk as if everything is over. It takes few days for self healing and then you choose (of course for lack of other choice) to move on.

But then that random day happens all over again!!!!

And during this terrible period, I become a cry baby. My eyes well up instantly. That emotional hormone works overtime. One half of me tells that it is okay to cry as that makes me feel better. The other half of me tells that I should learn to control my tears at least not to shed in public. I can surely avoid that shameful moment when tears roll down my cheeks and the offspring notices it. He goes “Amma is cryyyyiinngggg” why ma? why ma?  I stand mute and helpless!!!

Have you been there? How to handle this?

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12 thoughts on “Confused

  1. I’ve been there quite a few times !! With my Daughter who is 8 now, any random lame story doesn’t work!! So I’ve kind of learned to control my tears but my face is another story … I’m too transparent for my own liking…. but like I was telling my friend who was in a similar situation that sometimes it’s ok for them to see us weak because I honestly don’t want my Daughter to grow up thinking she has to handle everything with a smile or that she needs to always hide her tears … so don’t worry !! Kids understand and it’s ok if they witness a weak moment!! I hope you are feeling better !! Sorry for this super long comment !!

    • Yeah I share same feeling with daughter as she is older. She also understands and just moves on but this 3 yr old fella is yet to understand!! Also, I think I asked the “how do you handle this” question in my post at the wrong place. I wanted to know more about “how do you handle the situation when your memories rekindles and bring back all those emotions that you have made peace with in the past?” I mean is it ok for them to surface again and you feel the same as you felt before you made peace with it in the past. “that whole making peace part” seems to have vanished!!! have you been there?

  2. Hey…come on…crying is the best way to feel better instantly! Then later when you’re much calmer think about it and try to heal and let go!
    And let the children know its ok to cry…

    • yeah Uma I agree with you! I wanted to know more on that haunted experience that resurfaces after you decided to let go.. have that happened to you? I thought once you decide to let go, it shouldn’t trouble you anymore but that doesn’t seems to hold true in my case!! I get trapped all over again with that same emotions..

    • Hugs Ani, you are human. And try as we might its difficult to completely let go. Just accept that and stop worrying. At the end of the day, you can’t control everything. To give you an example, I’d like to think I’ve come to terms with my mum’s passing. But every now and again, some vague memory triggers such a strong emotional reaction that I’m almost swept away… So stop beating yourself up. You are a wonderful mum and you are doing everything you possibly can 🙂

      • Thank you for such a nice comment Smitha.. I understand and now trying to follow “one day at a time”.. seems to work for now! let’s see
        Hugs Smitha.. your loss is incomparable dear..

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