Dear Adi

We had a guest to our home today. In between our random chat during lunch, the guest asked you “With whom are you close? Amma or Appa?” We have come across such questions in the past when you were young and your reaction would be to make eye contact with both of us and then diplomatically say “both”. This has been you always. My sweet little diplomatic girl.

Today, your instant response was “Appa”. It was a happy sad moment for me. I did not express myself but I felt a pinch ma. I am not going to discuss about this with you but want you to read this someday, hence the post.

As it is with all my case, I can justify..

Girls naturally incline towards their Appa.

Appa does all pick up/drop off to your classes for past one year.

Appa picks you from school every evening.

Appa takes you and LHB to Costco / grocery shopping every weekend. A solid two hours spent in shopping and he buys goodies for both of you at that time.

Appa is the source of snack aka junkies. You guys pair up, do impromptu store visits and get indulged.

Appa gets your towel every morning (from downstairs to upstairs). Every single morning.

Appa gets your school bag and lunch bag from the car. Again every single evening. You just walk inside with empty hands.

You have got the bestest Appa in this world and I can’t be more proud about it. Infact, I am thankful to him for that.

But but the Amma in me felt that pinch today. I didn’t expect that coming. All these days I was assuming that we both are equal to you though I secretly wish to be one notch above Appa. Please don’t get my wrong. I am very very happy for your closeness with Appa. But I can’t stop thinking as what made you choose him over me? Just curious to know but like I promised I am not going to discuss this with you. I would to happy to listen if you read this some day and want to share with me.

What is my role in your day to day life? Making your food, packing your dabba, making you switch to pajama and brush before going to bed, shortening your screen time, following up with your work that’s due, pestering you to practice pattu/piano, giving gyan every now and then about healthy eating. In short all boring and restricting side of your life relies on Amma.

Will I bring your towel upstairs every morning? Will I bring your bags from car? NO I can’t do that. Instead I will give a gyan on how you should do your own work yaada yaada. If this is what I should do to win your closeness then I am sorry kannamma I can’t do that. Just can’t. I don’t know if this is just me or its the same with other mother’s too!!

I understand that there has to be a balance and both Appa and Amma can’t be the same. I let Appa indulge both of you but the price I am paying for that is very high for a person like me kannamma.

Love,
An emotionally weak Amma

 

 

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23 thoughts on “Dear Adi

  1. Aaww Ani … warm tight hugs to you sweetie!! I think it’s with all the girls that dads are their favorite… but I think once they get a little older the closeness with the mums increase… hugs 🤗

  2. Same here Ani. Dads are always treating their daughters as princesses and we mums are left to bring a balance by imposing the mean rules for their good. She is in that age now when she will not understand the objective behind all that you do but I’m sure she will know it and value all that you do when she grows up. Love and hugs to Adi’s emotional Amma 🙂

  3. Hahahahaha! Guess Appas do have a special place in their girls lives. M is a super cool dad…Tell him to learn to repair a mixer so that when Adi calls him on skype 20 years down the line..he can be the coolest ever 🙂

  4. Ani, Its the same here too and I totally relate to your feeling.. Not just the girls .. my lil boy also is the happiest when he goes out with Dad (without me) 🙂

  5. Hugs Ani. Big hugs. One day she will understand and realize and cherish every single thing you have done for her as much as her Appa. She might even keep you a notch (or a few) higher in the scale than her Appa. Trust me. You are a great mom and you both, great parents. Hugs again. I felt a wave of emotions reading this post and I am so teary eyed.

  6. Someone has to play bad cop in every household Ani. Here too its me. It changes as they get older though . Now I obviously confide in my mom more and I had a very rebellious few teenage yrs and early 20s.
    Can you make a mom daughter Saturday etc once a month and do special stuff ? I have a lot of NYC suggestions if you are interested in going to the city with her a few times of the year .

  7. Hugs Ani. It’s okay. It’s really okay. Having a parent preference doesn’t mean they love us less. We all prefered one parent over the other when we were young no? Also it changes from time to time. So hang in there😊

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