We had a guest to our home today. In between our random chat during lunch, the guest asked you “With whom are you close? Amma or Appa?” We have come across such questions in the past when you were young and your reaction would be to make eye contact with both of us and then diplomatically say “both”. This has been you always. My sweet little diplomatic girl.
Today, your instant response was “Appa”. It was a happy sad moment for me. I did not express myself but I felt a pinch ma. I am not going to discuss about this with you but want you to read this someday, hence the post.
As it is with all my case, I can justify..
Girls naturally incline towards their Appa.
Appa does all pick up/drop off to your classes for past one year.
Appa picks you from school every evening.
Appa takes you and LHB to Costco / grocery shopping every weekend. A solid two hours spent in shopping and he buys goodies for both of you at that time.
Appa is the source of snack aka junkies. You guys pair up, do impromptu store visits and get indulged.
Appa gets your towel every morning (from downstairs to upstairs). Every single morning.
Appa gets your school bag and lunch bag from the car. Again every single evening. You just walk inside with empty hands.
You have got the bestest Appa in this world and I can’t be more proud about it. Infact, I am thankful to him for that.
But but the Amma in me felt that pinch today. I didn’t expect that coming. All these days I was assuming that we both are equal to you though I secretly wish to be one notch above Appa. Please don’t get my wrong. I am very very happy for your closeness with Appa. But I can’t stop thinking as what made you choose him over me? Just curious to know but like I promised I am not going to discuss this with you. I would to happy to listen if you read this some day and want to share with me.
What is my role in your day to day life? Making your food, packing your dabba, making you switch to pajama and brush before going to bed, shortening your screen time, following up with your work that’s due, pestering you to practice pattu/piano, giving gyan every now and then about healthy eating. In short all boring and restricting side of your life relies on Amma.
Will I bring your towel upstairs every morning? Will I bring your bags from car? NO I can’t do that. Instead I will give a gyan on how you should do your own work yaada yaada. If this is what I should do to win your closeness then I am sorry kannamma I can’t do that. Just can’t. I don’t know if this is just me or its the same with other mother’s too!!
I understand that there has to be a balance and both Appa and Amma can’t be the same. I let Appa indulge both of you but the price I am paying for that is very high for a person like me kannamma.
An emotionally weak Amma