Yesterday evening I had to wait in station for about 20 minutes to be picked up and that 20 minutes was close to living in hell as M was not reachable (he left the phone at home and was on road with kids, dropping Adi at a class and coming to pick me up). Would he have been caught by the police? Would they have met with an accident? Did anyone get sick? Are they rushing to ER? With these train of thoughts I stood there in the cold feeling helpless with tears flowing down my cheeks.
Unfortunately it has to happen at that time of the year when all I want to do is just curl up in a corner hoping for this week to pass through quietly. The memories from the past about this week is haunting me every second and makes me weak. I don’t know if I will ever be able to reconcile with those terrifying memories. It is this week I fear everything around me. I fear if I get a call, I fear if I don’t get a call for a prolonged time, I fear if family is not reachable, I fear everything around me and the mind is on a constant turmoil. Wish there is a better way to deal with this!!!
On a lighter note, this is every other day scene when I return from work and board car
(LHB is sitting quiet in his car seat)
Amma: Hi Kutti (without turning my head)
**No response**
Amma: Whoever is Amma’s kutti can say “yes Amma”
**No response**
Amma: Hi Kutti!!!
**No response**
Amma: Oh looks like my kutti is not here.. Hmm.. I miss my kutti
LHB: (shouting) YEESSS Amma
Love you da!!
Between my littles and me 