Been to the office today, first day in this new year. The only feel good factor of the day is the visit to office. Got to see familiar faces, wish HNY, catch up and just sit quietly in my seat.
Spoke with a common friend during morning commute to check on Bharu. Couldn’t control the tears following through my cheeks as I was talking to her.
I think I just have to accept that this is me. I can’t hold back my tears and it flows out unbiased to circumstance/people. You will know why I am declaring this by end of the post and I am saving the best of the worst of today for last!
Had long lunch session with a colleague/friend and for the first time I let her speak and took the listening side. Usually when we catch up every few months I take most of the time to fill her up with all my updates but today she needed the time. I listened to her and at the end shared some of my perception on her situation. But, teared up towards the end of the conversation when I was telling her about Bharu!
I have been crying at random times since I heard the news and the situation is not helping at all.
Spoke with a family friend Akka during evening commute as she lost her father last month. We were sharing the commons between her father and my FIL and again tears were flowing down without my conscience.
Later, stepped out to pick LHB from his class and crashed Tesla on car #1 while trying to take it out of the driveway. Tesla’s back and car #1’s front are damaged. I already damaged the front side of Tesla while trying to take it out of the garage last month.
That is it. I lost it totally after returning home especially when M took a look at it and estimated the damage. We are under tremendous financial pressure right now with multiple loans and the crash at this time is not something we can handle. It was totally my mistake and I had a huge bawling session hiding in my closet. The mind did its part and pulled out all that is going wrong at recent times in a 70mm screen and made me feel terrible. It keeps warning there is more to come and my unknown fear was only manifolding.
Thankfully LHB finished his homework with no fuss and there is not much chores to wrap up so all I wish to do now is hug my kids, go to sleep and wake up as if today never happened. But it is life and my heart is going to feel the pinch every time I see those dents that we cannot afford to fix now. I made a costly mistake today and feel terrible about it!!!