Not so good day

Been to the office today, first day in this new year. The only feel good factor of the day is the visit to office. Got to see familiar faces, wish HNY, catch up and just sit quietly in my seat.

Spoke with a common friend during morning commute to check on Bharu. Couldn’t control the tears following through my cheeks as I was talking to her.

I think I just have to accept that this is me. I can’t hold back my tears and it flows out unbiased to circumstance/people. You will know why I am declaring this by end of the post and I am saving the best of the worst of today for last!

Had long lunch session with a colleague/friend and for the first time I let her speak and took the listening side. Usually when we catch up every few months I take most of the time to fill her up with all my updates but today she needed the time. I listened to her and at the end shared some of my perception on her situation. But, teared up towards the end of the conversation when I was telling her about Bharu!

I have been crying at random times since I heard the news and the situation is not helping at all.

Spoke with a family friend Akka during evening commute as she lost her father last month. We were sharing the commons between her father and my FIL and again tears were flowing down without my conscience.

Later, stepped out to pick LHB from his class and crashed Tesla on car #1 while trying to take it out of the driveway. Tesla’s back and car #1’s front are damaged. I already damaged the front side of Tesla while trying to take it out of the garage last month.

That is it. I lost it totally after returning home especially when M took a look at it and estimated the damage. We are under tremendous financial pressure right now with multiple loans and the crash at this time is not something we can handle. It was totally my mistake and I had a huge bawling session hiding in my closet. The mind did its part and pulled out all that is going wrong at recent times in a 70mm screen and made me feel terrible. It keeps warning there is more to come and my unknown fear was only manifolding.

Thankfully LHB finished his homework with no fuss and there is not much chores to wrap up so all I wish to do now is hug my kids, go to sleep and wake up as if today never happened. But it is life and my heart is going to feel the pinch every time I see those dents that we cannot afford to fix now. I made a costly mistake today and feel terrible about it!!!

13 thoughts on “Not so good day

  1. Stay strong, Ani !! You have faced so many circumstances..I bet you will emerge through this stronger.. hopefully you may be able to save a bit by claiming car insurance..this is just a thought !

  2. Hugs Ani.. Big bear hugs! You are doing a lot. Sometimes we forget that we have to love ourselves and be little easy on us. Tears are not bad. You are such a kind person Ani. Be little more kind to yourself too. Things will get better. Hold on to the smallest positive sign every day. Soon it will turn into one big ball of positivity. love you.

    • I can’t top SummerScript’s comment, she is so damn right! (Although I doubt if she pinched the wisdom off Volt!!) When you feel so guilty, just think if it was M who did it, would you have been as hard on him as you are on yourself? Don’t beat yourself up over this my dear. Lots of love to you and biggest warmest tightest of hugs!!

  3. Ani, it happens to the best of people. So, its ok. I think I understand that guilty feeling because I have been there too… and it takes a little time to get over it. You already have so much emotional stress going on. Hugs, Ani. Today is over.

  4. Hugs hugs and more tight hugs Ani !!Mistakes happen to the best of us, don’t be too harsh on yourself… tomorrow is a brand new day and it’ll be much better … think if it as something worse was supposed to happen at least it passed through material things … you are a wonderful person… the bad phase has passed … sleep well ❤️❤️

  5. Hugs Ani! You did the right thing by hugging the kiddos and going to sleep. That the project close to your heart moved to the next step should give you so much solace .. you know what I am talking about. Take care. Talk to you soon. ❤

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