Archive | February 2020

Heaven is

the salad your daughter makes for you when she gets home around 2:30pm and you are starving as you skipped lunch attending back to back calls since morning.

Bonus – she serves it to you 🙂

Now I am craving some masala chai and troubling her to make some but she is not budging!!! It seems her quota of help is done for the day!!!

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Thank you

Thank you all for your encouraging positive comments. I am working on lifting my spirit up and stay focused on things that need my attention. Its okay for the dark thoughts to come and go, its even okay if tears flow down, just let it flow or wipe it and continue to do what you do. Don’t sulk and give in to negative emotions!! I am repeating to myself often!

Kids have resumed school today after 10 days and I am able to breathe easy. Naughty LHB took his own time to get ready and made me drop him at school!!

Just for laugh:
Amma: LHB, please come over to take your medicine
LHB: Arghhhhh!!! Its that time again!!
Amma: LHB, please da, Amma paavam da, please come and take your medicines da
LHB: Amma, you don’t understand. My life! My choice! I can choose to not drink the medicine
Amma: **passing out instantly** and Adi rolling on the floor laughing..

If only Amma had even 5% of this wisdom!! My life, My choice it seems…

Adi and I were laughing over it for rest of the day by randomly saying “My life, my choice” and she kept mocking me “You don’t understand Amma”!!

Weekend highlights:

  • Adi attended a sweet 16 surprise party at old neighborhood.
  • LHB and I killed time at Chuck e cheese while the girl was partying
  • LHB won second place in a cub scout boat race. Don’t ask me how many participated 🙂 its 3!
  • Adi attended “Make a blanket” event at the temple. They made blankets to be distributed to terminally ill children at the hospital.
  • Quick stop at friend’s home to wish their daughter for her birthday.
  • I have started watching “Super singer junior” and had a very good laugh. Though I don’t like the way the kids are engaged, some lighter moments and laughter is guaranteed and I need them very much right now!!

We spent a solid 3 hours in making this boat last weekend. LHB chose to paint them red and blue.

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Hugs and love to you all.

Fear of judgement

It is the fear of judgement by someone I want to keep first in my trust list that keeps me up all night and makes my cheek wet at random times more than the pressure of physical labor and mental stress itself.

From what little I know about myself, I can handle any level of physical labor but I cannot overcome the fear of being judged.

More power to girl friends, my maternal family, blog friends, neighbors and supportive work environment. I could not survive this phase without you all.

The kids have ear infection and on antibiotics. They were home all this week. I have bad cough and taking OTC medicines, resumed work after two sick days and workplace has been very supportive. I cook between meetings, feed kids and make sure they take their medicines on time and rest well. Everything else has taken a back seat.

How would you react to someone who judges you as

It is very much possible that they got sick because you didn’t handle them properly?
Washed clothes as piles on the floor? Aren’t they supposed to be on the closet?
When did you last sweep the home?

Read the first line, this someone is not just someone to hit ignore, it’s the same one I want to keep first in my trust list. Life is hard!!


Sickness Overloaded

So, as usual we had a busy long weekend running between classes, Adi attending a sweet 16 party celebrated at grand scale and LHB having his own low scale birthday party at home. He invited few boys from his class.

And we got sick right after LHB’s party was over. All 3 of us are running temperature, having dry cough and feeling low. Kids and I took sick leave today and planning to just extend it tomorrow too. I made veggie soup, kanji and surviving with comfort food and rest. Hope to get back to normal in few days!

Today is probably the first time Adi is taking a sick day and she is freaking out texting her classmates to find out what happened in each class.

Its tough to see kids sick and care for them when you are sick too!! Can’t this sickness wait for few days to catch me? If this is not enough, I feel terrible about missing out things at work front!!

Survival continues!!!!!

Today’s dinner

What happens when you watch too much of Master chef? See below

Adi made this dish for my dinner today and presented it to me as

Enjoy the Cheese ravioli on a bed of sweet kale salad topped with roasted potatoes, dried cranberries and a dash of feta cheese 🙂

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Appa’s spy


Scene – On call with Appa

LHB: Appa, I want to talk to you in private and he walks into my closet with the phone. Closes the door but I could hear him!

You know Appa, these girls, they are using your card to order in Amazon. They are ordering stuff in Amazon with your name Appa.

Appa says its okay and then he steps out and tells me all about it. He felt so relieved when Appa said its okay.

We were ordering a party dress for Adi in Amazon and placed order with M’s card as it was auto saved in the account. I was too lazy to reach out to my wallet.

I least expected this little fellow fooling around to notice it, remember and tell his Appa. He didn’t utter a word when we were ordering instead observed it all and reported to his Appa dutifully!! Naughty guy!!

I feel that some change happens (either good or bad) right after I speak about something in this blog. Do you remember how few days ago I vented about the pain of making LHB do his math/english work. He is acting like a charm for past two days, following my orders and doing all the work he is expected to do with no whining or tantrum!! I hope to not jinx it :fingers_crossed


Note: I wrote this yesterday (Sunday) night but dozed off before I could publish it so publishing it as is!

Recording about this weekend so I can come back and read this on a day I can’t pull myself through a demanding day to remind myself that I have done it in the past and can do it!!

This weekend became super crazy with couple of makeup/adhoc classes, mall shopping, conference call, potluck, guest visit all thrown in these two days. I got all of them done but not happy at all as its past 10pm on Sunday and none of us are in the right mindset to start a fresh week!!

Wish I learn to say NO to myself but I don’t know which one of this I could have said NO to. All of them sound equally important to me at this phase of life!!

8am – Wake up, prepare breakfast and part of lunch
10:00am – Drop LHB at his makeup class
10:15am – Drop Adi at her adhoc class
10:30am – Come back home and continue with lunch prep
11:00am – Pickup LHB
11:10am – Come back home and continue with lunch prep (Sambar making was literally done in parts today, like saute onion/tomato, switch off stove, step out of home, come back, add veggies, tamarind water, switch off stove, step out of home, come back, add dal and finally call it sambar!!)
12:30am – Drop LHB at his class
1:15pm – Come back home, LHB takes shower/eats part of his lunch. I gobble up my lunch and pack dabba for Adi!
1:45pm – Pickup Adi, drive to nearest mall (She wanted to get a gold shade dress to attend a sweet 16 party next week and I wanted to get some supplies for the low key birthday party for LHB at home next weekend). Kids eat lunch in the drive!
4:!5pm – Leave from mall
4:45pm – Costco grocery shopping
5:30pm – Return home, put away the items bought from mall/Costco and wrap up dinner
6:30pm – Leave home, take Adi to her class
8:45pm – Return home from Adi’s class
9pm – Login to a conference call for volunteering
10:30pm – Wrap up the call, spend some time on online shopping as Adi couldn’t find a good dress in the mall.
11:30pm – Call it a day and go to bed!!!!

8am – Wake up, prepare breakfast, clean home, wash dishes, make semiya payasam (big tray)
12pm – Get ready for Pongal/Sankranti potluck at LHB’s Tamil school
1:30pm – Arrive at the venue, help to setup, serve (we had banana leaf serving style), eat yummy lunch and watch cultural programs.
5:30pm – Leave the function in the middle as Adi wanted to comeback home to finish her homework. I missed watching ladies dance 😦
6:00pm – Arrive home, clean home, make Tea
6:45pm – Guests arrive. High school girl with her parents. They wanted to know more details about the volunteering opportunities
7:30pm – Guests leave. Start with vegetables chopping (prep work for kids tomorrow lunch box)
8:30pm – Sit down with LHB to do his homework
9:30pm – Draft this post while eyes are begging to go to sleep.
10:00pm – Waiting for Adi to come to bed as she is still working on her school work!

LHB is giving me such a hard time today with homework. We both are not in our best state of mind and he is just sitting on one page of Math for past one hour!!!! Doing Math/English work is such a painful process for him and I seriously don’t know how to help him. He hates it when I nudge and I hate to do it too but is there any other way out?  I even stopped nudging him often. All I asked for was just 1 hour each day this weekend and he made it a painful session for both of us!!

Pictures from potluck:

LHB sat with his friend in a different row and ate by himself. Proud moment 🙂
Look at all the munchkins in Veshti.. LHB is 3rd from right!

Getting along

Today morning:

Scene: On the way to airport to drop M. LHB came along as it was an early morning drop and timings worked out perfect to drop him at school on the way back.

I asked something to M and he snapped at me with raised voice

LHB: Amma, you will not see Appa soon again. He is gone for 1 month. Be nice to him.

I had to clarify to the little one that its not me but his Appa who raised his voice and felt terrible about it.

Adi got used to our skirmishes but LHB observes keenly and even voiced it out loud few times in recent months as “Will you guys ever get along?”

One day, M and I were having a casual convo and laughing over something and this boy shouts from behind “Akka, they are getting along, they are getting along” **face palm moment**

But, that triggers my thoughts “Will we ever get along? like ever??”

P.S: Day one of single parenting. Just 26 more days to go!!

Happy 7th

Dear LHB,

Where do I start baby? You are a bundle of positivity with abundance energy and that has a ripple effect at home. Amma, Appa, Akka are boring souls who are more focused on their work and then you come in to make us laugh loud and ease up the air.

Akka calls you Mousie. You sighed to me one day while brushing “She keeps different weird names for me ma. What does Moussie even mean?” But I can see how much you love it. She will step out of her room only when you enter the house to hear all stories form you. Our arrivals are grandly ignored unless we bring some treats. And you will tell all stories only to her ignoring our presence around. It is a delight to watch you both converse.

You want to marry Akka so both of you can stay together forever. You are worried as much as I am about Akka moving out to pursue college in couple of years but we talk about it often to come to terms with it.

There is a high school girl Ms.E working as an assistant in your class and you described her looks to Akka so she can reach out to her in high school for any help. “She will help you Akka. Ask her. She knows everything!! That’s your way of helping Akka!

You have a BIG heart kutty and that is the trait Amma loves the most in you. You offer it to others before tasting even if its your favorite dessert. Hearing “do you want some?” melts my heart instantly.

We have come a long way in communication. I am so glad that we have started making deals and you to some extent understand the implication of your action. We have a conversation and I am able to convince you, sometimes you convince me too. We complement each other very well and that is a big win for me.

You are at this prime age to question everything and your curious mind never takes a break. Your family is still the world for you and you look up to us for anything and everything especially Akka. From drinking a cup of milk to choosing a career, you lookup to her. “What do you want to do Akka?” is the question we hear very frequently at home. Every other sentence ends with “right Akka?”. You need to validate everything with her. Like for example, “Amma, you are a monster. right Akka?”

You have taken after me in many things like seeking to be treated special, easily convincible, capturing moments with pictures, putting others first and being generous. Appa says often that “You have taken after me” and I grow an inch taller with the pride. Its a big deal for a 5 feel 1 inch lady. I tell ya!!! I am listening to this tamil song as I type this “Maghizhchiyil endhan manam malardhidumae. En uyaramo innum konjam valarndhidumae….” which translates to growing an inch taller due to abundance of joy.

You love going to temple and I can’t thank you enough for that. You are my best company. Your favorite god is Lord Hanuman.

Your recent attractions are bey blades and pokemon cards. I am still able to convince you that video games and watching TV before bedtime are bad for eyes. Not sure how long it will last.

You change to pajama and brush your teeth before going to bed without anyone telling you. You make me super proud with this act and this is the one thing that Akka can learn from you!

Math and English are still boring and hard for you. I am sure we will get through it together someday.

You still believe in Santa and tooth fairy and allow me to hug and kiss you unlimited. I need them big time to survive so keep them coming da. Our home would not be the same without you.

You do have your moments but you are distractible and according to you “your silly brain forgets everything”

Your laugh is contagious, you know exactly how to make me laugh and use them when you see me dull. I am blessed to realize that you are watching me.

I love this phase and want to live in the present only for you, just for you so I take in as much as I can that will be the memories I talk about over and over again to your children when you are busy with your own family.

I truly thank the almighty for bringing you into my life and honestly I benefit more from this relationship than you. Thank you for everything da kanna. You make me appreciate life more than anything else.

Stay happy! Stay healthy and remember that we love you to bits.

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Picture taken when you were blessed with garland at temple during last week visit!


Small joys

I had Kohls store gift card so decided to treat LHB with a little something for his birthday that is just 3 days away which is very unusual as you know the aftermath if you take a kid to a store not knowing what to buy.

We went to the shop today afternoon, he choose few spring jackets from clearance section and we went to fitting room to try.

I handed him the jackets one by one to try and see this t-shirt in between the 2nd and 3rd jacket. I did not pick it and have no idea about how it landed in the pile. Maybe it was there in the rack and I picked it along with other jackets or maybe it was left behind in the fitting room by someone else.

But think of the odds of us visiting a cloth store few days before birthday to get something for the birthday and this shirt magically landing on your hand! He is turning 7. Isn’t it magical? Small joys of life 🙂