Yesterday evening I had to wait in station for about 20 minutes to be picked up and that 20 minutes was close to living in hell as M was not reachable (he left the phone at home and was on road with kids, dropping Adi at a class and coming to pick me up). Would he have been caught by the police? Would they have met with an accident? Did anyone get sick? Are they rushing to ER? With these train of thoughts I stood there in the cold feeling helpless with tears flowing down my cheeks.
Unfortunately it has to happen at that time of the year when all I want to do is just curl up in a corner hoping for this week to pass through quietly. The memories from the past about this week is haunting me every second and makes me weak. I don’t know if I will ever be able to reconcile with those terrifying memories. It is this week I fear everything around me. I fear if I get a call, I fear if I don’t get a call for a prolonged time, I fear if family is not reachable, I fear everything around me and the mind is on a constant turmoil. Wish there is a better way to deal with this!!!
On a lighter note, this is every other day scene when I return from work and board car
(LHB is sitting quiet in his car seat)
Amma: Hi Kutti (without turning my head)
Amma: Whoever is Amma’s kutti can say “yes Amma”
Amma: Hi Kutti!!!
Amma: Oh looks like my kutti is not here.. Hmm.. I miss my kutti
LHB: (shouting) YEESSS Amma
Love you da!!
When I returned home, the house (living room – first sight as you enter) was at its worst state and kids were watching TV. I had plans to sit with LHB in the evening to study but my mood was completely off once I looked at the situation at home. It did not help at all when LHB was saying “Appa is watching TV all day”. He did laundry but the state of home got on to my nerves instantly. I didn’t react, took hot shower, went about doing my work, took pain killers for muscle cramps and retired to bed. I was too tired to even talk. I had to clear the kitchen before cook aunty came and she also decided to give me hard time yesterday asking me to clean this, cut that et all.
And, I lost my cool today morning when I saw a bunch of wires and some more items sitting at the pooja counter top. They are there for past 4 days waiting to be sorted out by M which is driving me nuts every time I see them but I didn’t lose my temper until today morning. I don’t know if its just me but when the house is not clean it has a direct deep impact on the state of my mind and the family doesn’t seem to care about it at all. I hate to see Adi sitting amidst that clumsy environment and watch TV with a “I don’t bother” attitude. CLEANING HOME is not a one time thing or a weekend chore or just my task. IT HAS TO BE AN EVERYDAY CHORE BY EVERYONE IN THE FAMILY SAME AS HOW WE EAT 3 MEALS A DAY. I mean I understand that LHB is at this prime age to make a mess right after we clean up but can’t the rest of the clan just do cleanup after him periodically to keep the home tidy? Enough said!! (sorry about the caps. I have still not got back to my normal state yet!!)
So, today morning when I had to offer to God and pray and saw all those wires at the counter top I lost my cool and exploded. I hate to judge but I don’t care what the 3 of them did during my absence, I texted him while leaving from the friend’s place and it is an one hour drive. Couldn’t he be little considerate of me and tidy up the home and wires in that one hour? Is it a demanding ask? That one hour of his effort would have aided me to spend more quality time with kids last evening and have started this week on a happy note. I was grumpy last evening and it is continuing. I was shouting in front of Adi and I am sure all this is only painting a bad picture to her. I dread to even think in lines of the impact of this to kids. I am only getting distant with them as much as I want to be close to them. Just imagine me walking around grumpy during the limited time I get to spend with them? They are clearly not getting the best of me when I am so much pre-occupied with things like this. Sigh!!!
I wanted to work from home today as these muscle cramps didn’t get any better but given the state of home (mostly living room) I have to clean it all before I start the day. I can’t do the cleaning with current grumpy state so I just literally dragged myself to work. Don’t know what is in store for rest of this week!!!!
It doesn’t feel good to almost end blogathon with this big rant!!!!!! I am extremely sorry folks!!!
Late August, when I was alone in US, I get a call from India at 1am. It was M on the other side. He asks me “Does Adi have 2 passport or 3 passport?”. It took some time for me to realize that it is not dream and by this time he repeated the question at least 10 times. I was just responding with a weak “what?, what?” until I got my senses. Then, I mumbled it is 3.
We belong to that type of family who carry all their old passports too in hand for every travel. M was at the airport with kids to board the flight to US.
The flight is about to depart in two hours. Apparently, when he was trying to check-in the person at the counter noticed that Adi’s current passport was missing whereas he had the two old passport.
With the clock ticking, a series of events unfolded in next two hours and they boarded the flight before the door was about to close. M’s parents shifted to new home few days before his departure so there is no source of communication to reach his mother to check if passport is at home. He called his relative who luckily was at home that day to go home and check. His relative and MIL couldn’t find the keys to the bureau, then found it with FIL’s direction over phone and they found the passport kept in the bureau very safely.
I kept all passports in a small bag and gave it to him. How could he possibly take all from the bundle except Adi’s current passport? I felt the same when he didn’t bring my collection of sarees that I had neatly packed and kept inside his luggage **shaking head in disbelief**
The airport is around 1.5 hours drive from home. BIL and other relatives were kept as stand by at different check points when this relative started driving towards the airport. He was received at the airport gate by M, he literally grabbed the passport and flew to the counter to get boarding pass. And the air hostess and pilot were waiting with red carpet to welcome them so that they can close the door. It seems like Adi was scared that she thought M would board the flight with LHB leaving her behind. She is one scaredy cat.
While narrating the incident in person, M said he was not treated very well by the officials during this wait. They looked at him as some illegal guy and refused to give him access to communicate to outside world. Somehow he managed to gain their confidence and handled the situation.
Imagine my state of mind after that 1am call. I lost my sleep and the next 24 hours was spent restlessly until I saw the kids flesh and blood.
The recent revolution at Tamil Nadu is something that will keep me proud for a long time to come. It was an initiative taken by people for people to save traditional sport Jallikattu. The unity is something that blew me off. I look at this protest as an outrage of a common man and youngsters to oppose various unacceptable events happening in Tamil Nadu for past 2 months.
This picture was taken when localities at my area united to show our support on last Saturday. There is a lot that happened between now and the time this picture was taken. The whole protest took different unexpected turns due to the power of negative forces in the last 24 hours. Hope it all ends with no harm to common man and youth who had a genuine agenda for this protest.
One question that I have is “Would all this have happened if the former chief minister was still alive and in power?” Does this show lack of strong leadership in Tamil Nadu? I am not saying she would have arrived at an unbiased solution but things would have been handled in a different way.
Another thought that I couldn’t avoid is PETA has popularized this traditional sport by banning it. If left alone, this sport would also have died a natural death like many other traditions in next few years. Personally, this is an eye opener for me and the take away is I should do all that is possible to pass on all that I know about my tradition to my offsprings. That is the best I could do and it requires conscious effort living away from home!
**self damage alert**
So, I was invited to a workweek challenge in Fitbit by a friend last week. In turn, I invited M and another friend. The challenge was active from Monday morning till Friday midnight.
How did I fair in this challenge? In short, my whole week steps was equal to M’s Friday steps. Look at the numbers yourself. Not to mention, the last that is “You” is yours truly and the first is M. M was very proud last night as no matter how they see the status our family is the first. That made me feel better too 🙂 See I told you fitness or staying active is not my thing. I prefer to crawl up in one corner of my living room couch with my favorite things around (masala chai, book, phone, laptop, TV remote). I am not too demanding you know!!
Mr.R gave tough fight to M being active since 6pm last evening and M had to walk non stop for the last hour that is from 11pm to 12am to keep up the first position. I joined him too. It was a completely different and pleasant experience to walk at that odd hour that too just the two of us talking random which is very rare. To my surprise, the community was quite active. We saw lights on at most of the houses and cars were on the move.
Will I join this challenge again? May be only if M also joins and he takes me for that walk!!! I told you already that I am not too demanding!!!
Today my precious evening was spent on the stranded train not for few minutes or an hour but for close to 3 hours. As the News says, a trespasser was fatally struck by the train that was ahead of our train and the rest of the train on all the tracks in both directions were stranded until all was cleared.
Our train had to back off couple of stations to switch tracks. I left work at 6pm and reached home at 10:30pm. The lighter side is I read few newspapers back to back after so many years. A co passenger was kind enough to pass it on to others once he was done reading them all. Eventually, we were tired of staring at each other for a prolonged time period. Poor fellows were those who couldn’t secure a seat.
Luckily my neighbor was travelling in the same train and she offered to drop me home. Otherwise I would have spent another 30 minutes on the road hunting for a cab or M had to come to pick me up with sleepy kids..
Ouchhh my back is breaking!!!! I don’t know if it was an accident or intentional. Whatever it is, may his/her soul rest in peace.
I sincerely hope the weather acts as predicted this time so that I can stay at home tomorrow. Hey Snow please don’t fail me.. pretty please… I am becoming worse than a school kid these days looking for holidays and closings!!! I am sleep deprived and it is better to stop here!
ETA: I am not able to sleep thinking about the fatality. What must that person have gone through during his/her last moments. This always crosses my mind whenever I hear about someone losing their life. Would he/she have expected this ending when today dawned? Would that person have a family? Especially small kids whose future is in this person’s hands. What if that person is the only bread winner of his/her family? I pray God that it should not be someone I know of. It will not be as I don’t know anyone from that area.
The memories of this day from last year was bothering me deeply since I woke up and was hoping for today to end as any other normal day. But as I feared something bad has happened though I was not impacted first hand. It’s past 12 and I am not able to sleep yet. I feel so disturbed…