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Melt my heart

LHB melts my heart at random times. Here is how he did it today

LHB: Amma, I could smell and feel the dosa when I was at class. Can you make me some dosa!
Amma: Sure da. How many dosas do you need?
LHB: Did Akka eat?
Amma: Yes da!
LHB: Did everybody eat?
Amma: Yes da!
LHB: How much maavu (batter) do you have?
Amma: I have enough baby!
LHB: Okay then make me how much ever you like ma!

And he melts my heart…

Thoughtfulness is

LHB asking me to buy peanut candy for his Appa as Appa is coming home tomorrow bringing loads of goodies and LHB wants to get something that Appa likes to eat.

He also saved this for Appa. He clearly knows the junk person of the house 😀

It reminds me of M’s deal with the kids. “Eat any junk but give me some and then eat”

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Thank you

Thank you all for your encouraging positive comments. I am working on lifting my spirit up and stay focused on things that need my attention. Its okay for the dark thoughts to come and go, its even okay if tears flow down, just let it flow or wipe it and continue to do what you do. Don’t sulk and give in to negative emotions!! I am repeating to myself often!

Kids have resumed school today after 10 days and I am able to breathe easy. Naughty LHB took his own time to get ready and made me drop him at school!!

Just for laugh:
Amma: LHB, please come over to take your medicine
LHB: Arghhhhh!!! Its that time again!!
Amma: LHB, please da, Amma paavam da, please come and take your medicines da
LHB: Amma, you don’t understand. My life! My choice! I can choose to not drink the medicine
Amma: **passing out instantly** and Adi rolling on the floor laughing..

If only Amma had even 5% of this wisdom!! My life, My choice it seems…

Adi and I were laughing over it for rest of the day by randomly saying “My life, my choice” and she kept mocking me “You don’t understand Amma”!!

Weekend highlights:

  • Adi attended a sweet 16 surprise party at old neighborhood.
  • LHB and I killed time at Chuck e cheese while the girl was partying
  • LHB won second place in a cub scout boat race. Don’t ask me how many participated 🙂 its 3!
  • Adi attended “Make a blanket” event at the temple. They made blankets to be distributed to terminally ill children at the hospital.
  • Quick stop at friend’s home to wish their daughter for her birthday.
  • I have started watching “Super singer junior” and had a very good laugh. Though I don’t like the way the kids are engaged, some lighter moments and laughter is guaranteed and I need them very much right now!!

We spent a solid 3 hours in making this boat last weekend. LHB chose to paint them red and blue.

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Hugs and love to you all.

Appa’s spy

#appas-spy

Scene – On call with Appa

LHB: Appa, I want to talk to you in private and he walks into my closet with the phone. Closes the door but I could hear him!

You know Appa, these girls, they are using your card to order in Amazon. They are ordering stuff in Amazon with your name Appa.

Appa says its okay and then he steps out and tells me all about it. He felt so relieved when Appa said its okay.

We were ordering a party dress for Adi in Amazon and placed order with M’s card as it was auto saved in the account. I was too lazy to reach out to my wallet.

I least expected this little fellow fooling around to notice it, remember and tell his Appa. He didn’t utter a word when we were ordering instead observed it all and reported to his Appa dutifully!! Naughty guy!!

I feel that some change happens (either good or bad) right after I speak about something in this blog. Do you remember how few days ago I vented about the pain of making LHB do his math/english work. He is acting like a charm for past two days, following my orders and doing all the work he is expected to do with no whining or tantrum!! I hope to not jinx it :fingers_crossed

Getting along

Today morning:

Scene: On the way to airport to drop M. LHB came along as it was an early morning drop and timings worked out perfect to drop him at school on the way back.

I asked something to M and he snapped at me with raised voice

LHB: Amma, you will not see Appa soon again. He is gone for 1 month. Be nice to him.

I had to clarify to the little one that its not me but his Appa who raised his voice and felt terrible about it.

Adi got used to our skirmishes but LHB observes keenly and even voiced it out loud few times in recent months as “Will you guys ever get along?”

One day, M and I were having a casual convo and laughing over something and this boy shouts from behind “Akka, they are getting along, they are getting along” **face palm moment**

But, that triggers my thoughts “Will we ever get along? like ever??”

P.S: Day one of single parenting. Just 26 more days to go!!

Happy 7th

Dear LHB,

Where do I start baby? You are a bundle of positivity with abundance energy and that has a ripple effect at home. Amma, Appa, Akka are boring souls who are more focused on their work and then you come in to make us laugh loud and ease up the air.

Akka calls you Mousie. You sighed to me one day while brushing “She keeps different weird names for me ma. What does Moussie even mean?” But I can see how much you love it. She will step out of her room only when you enter the house to hear all stories form you. Our arrivals are grandly ignored unless we bring some treats. And you will tell all stories only to her ignoring our presence around. It is a delight to watch you both converse.

You want to marry Akka so both of you can stay together forever. You are worried as much as I am about Akka moving out to pursue college in couple of years but we talk about it often to come to terms with it.

There is a high school girl Ms.E working as an assistant in your class and you described her looks to Akka so she can reach out to her in high school for any help. “She will help you Akka. Ask her. She knows everything!! That’s your way of helping Akka!

You have a BIG heart kutty and that is the trait Amma loves the most in you. You offer it to others before tasting even if its your favorite dessert. Hearing “do you want some?” melts my heart instantly.

We have come a long way in communication. I am so glad that we have started making deals and you to some extent understand the implication of your action. We have a conversation and I am able to convince you, sometimes you convince me too. We complement each other very well and that is a big win for me.

You are at this prime age to question everything and your curious mind never takes a break. Your family is still the world for you and you look up to us for anything and everything especially Akka. From drinking a cup of milk to choosing a career, you lookup to her. “What do you want to do Akka?” is the question we hear very frequently at home. Every other sentence ends with “right Akka?”. You need to validate everything with her. Like for example, “Amma, you are a monster. right Akka?”

You have taken after me in many things like seeking to be treated special, easily convincible, capturing moments with pictures, putting others first and being generous. Appa says often that “You have taken after me” and I grow an inch taller with the pride. Its a big deal for a 5 feel 1 inch lady. I tell ya!!! I am listening to this tamil song as I type this “Maghizhchiyil endhan manam malardhidumae. En uyaramo innum konjam valarndhidumae….” which translates to growing an inch taller due to abundance of joy.

You love going to temple and I can’t thank you enough for that. You are my best company. Your favorite god is Lord Hanuman.

Your recent attractions are bey blades and pokemon cards. I am still able to convince you that video games and watching TV before bedtime are bad for eyes. Not sure how long it will last.

You change to pajama and brush your teeth before going to bed without anyone telling you. You make me super proud with this act and this is the one thing that Akka can learn from you!

Math and English are still boring and hard for you. I am sure we will get through it together someday.

You still believe in Santa and tooth fairy and allow me to hug and kiss you unlimited. I need them big time to survive so keep them coming da. Our home would not be the same without you.

You do have your moments but you are distractible and according to you “your silly brain forgets everything”

Your laugh is contagious, you know exactly how to make me laugh and use them when you see me dull. I am blessed to realize that you are watching me.

I love this phase and want to live in the present only for you, just for you so I take in as much as I can that will be the memories I talk about over and over again to your children when you are busy with your own family.

I truly thank the almighty for bringing you into my life and honestly I benefit more from this relationship than you. Thank you for everything da kanna. You make me appreciate life more than anything else.

Stay happy! Stay healthy and remember that we love you to bits.

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Picture taken when you were blessed with garland at temple during last week visit!

Love,
Amma

Small joys

I had Kohls store gift card so decided to treat LHB with a little something for his birthday that is just 3 days away which is very unusual as you know the aftermath if you take a kid to a store not knowing what to buy.

We went to the shop today afternoon, he choose few spring jackets from clearance section and we went to fitting room to try.

I handed him the jackets one by one to try and see this t-shirt in between the 2nd and 3rd jacket. I did not pick it and have no idea about how it landed in the pile. Maybe it was there in the rack and I picked it along with other jackets or maybe it was left behind in the fitting room by someone else.

But think of the odds of us visiting a cloth store few days before birthday to get something for the birthday and this shirt magically landing on your hand! He is turning 7. Isn’t it magical? Small joys of life 🙂

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LHB talkies

#1 – Amma in Kitchen:
Amma: Kutty, can you please get my phone da?
LHB: If I were youuuu (he stretches that u with a ragam) Amma, I would get my phone myself!!! (in a zen tone)
Amma: Searching for the wall nearby to bang her head. Amma thinks all the walls in the house would be blessed with her head bangs soon.

#2 – At home
Akka screaming as LHB took some of her stuff
Adi: LHB, I need you here right now!!!!
LHB: (Walking at snail’s pace towards her with bum bum shaking left to right and says) Calm down baby!!! I am coming!!
Amma was literally ROTFL seeing this scene

#3 – Bedtime
LHB: Akka, you need to give us some space in the bed.
Adi: No, I will not
LHB: Akka, are you going to listen or not?
Adi: You hurt me so I am not moving!!!
LHB: Amma, she is suuuch (again stretches u with a ragam) a drama queen ma, such a cry baby. Let’s just go and sleep somewhere else.

#4 – Shop hopping:
LHB: That’s it. I am not coming to the next shop with you. Can you drop me home and then go to all shops?
Amma: Okay then, I am not going to come to the star wars party at Library. You can go by yourself.
LHB: NOOOO. Let’s go to the shop Amma. I will come with you wherever you want me to come!!!!
Amma: **evil laughter**

#5 – LHB on the way from his class with Appa and calls Amma
LHB: Amma, what do you have for me if I come home now?
Amma: Huh? what do you mean?
LHB: I mean, what is your plan for me if I come home now? will you make me study or watch TV?
Amma: (who always wanted to play with her kids): Of course study da!!
LHB: Ok then, Appa I will come with you to pick up Akka. I don’t want to go home now. What is the point? She is not going to let me watch TV anyways and promptly cuts the call $#@!%^&

#6 – LHB doing his Math
Amma: Dei nallavanae, (means good boy) why are you taking 1 hour for just these 2 additions da? Can you please just get done with it?
LHB: You don’t understand Amma. Math is not my thing. TV is my thing. I am a TV guy ma!!
Amma: Okay%^&$#@!

Exhausted but happy

Apologies for the long post.

Today evening was very exhausting and chores drained almost all my energy but I was happy and content with the way the events unfolded.

I can’t go to sleep without reliving the moments from today’s evening that will make me smile wide. Writing it down here is equivalent to recollecting those moments at least 10 times and these precious moments will help me to stay up at least for next few months. Reminder to self is to come back and read this post when I have a bad day.

I went to office today and came back home at 6:45pm. The situation at home was normal. LHB was watching TV and Adi was in happy mood as she finished all her work for the day. She was waiting to watch Master chef with me. That’s the latest show we watch together.

I got refreshed, finished my dinner and had a cup of coffee. Then, started with kitchen work right away while the kids were fighting over TV. LHB wanted to watch one more episode but Adi wanted to take it over. I let them fight and continued with my chores. Started preparing tindora usili (one of my recent improvisation. why only beans usili? why not tindora?) and spinach paratha. I already had the dough ready in refrigerator for paratha.

I have been reminding LHB that he has to come to the kitchen table to start with his work. That today he has to do his work by himself as Amma have lot of kitchen work. It was a rough start. He came to the table after some whining and finished his school work reluctantly while Adi played Master chef in the TV. But he finished the work and that is all mattered to me and I didn’t lose my cool.

Then, it was his tuition work. He had to finish two english workbooks. He did few pages of first book and declared that this is too much work and he is done. I continued with my cooking and said if that is the choice he is making then I am okay with it. I told him verbatim “we all have choice to make in every single step and it is the choice we make will define who we are”.

He went upstairs, came down and then started a random chat with me. Usually, I don’t encourage such talks while its study time but today I went with the flow. We spoke about random things. Then, again he went upstairs and got the rest of first book done with Akka’s help. He then declared that he is not going to do the second book. I repeated in a zen tone that I am okay with it if that is his decision. I said “It is your decision so I have nothing to say. Just remember that you are making this decision”. Honestly, I didn’t have the energy to spend with him and was prepared to accept if he doesn’t finish his work. There is no point in raising my voice while he is trying.

He came back to the kitchen table, ate two hot spinach paratha (the special puffed ones) and one banana while chatting with me. I continued to chat and this time we talked about food and his classmates. Then, out of the blue he asked “Do I really have to do the second book Amma?”. I least expected that from him. So I replied “Its your choice da kutty”. To my utter surprise, he started working on the second book. I extended help when asked and he finished half of second book with no whining while I was wrapping up cooking, cleaning and washing dishes. The deal was to do his work till I have work in kitchen so he can give me company as I love having company while doing kitchen work. I actually taught him about singular vs plural vs irregular plural and he listened!! This was a big win for me.

Then, we both went upstairs and he wanted to watch TV. I told him that I have something to say and he can decide on what to do after hearing me. That his decision will be final. I told him how watching TV just before going to sleep is not good for eyes and instead he can play with his new truck. He replied “Oh yeah, I almost forgot about that. Thank you for reminding me. You are the best Amma. I will play with my truck” **I was pinching myself at this point to see if this is all real** as on a normal day he would throw a big tantrum in similar situation. The difference today is I handled it with a calm mind not expecting the outcome to be my way.

He played with his truck for a while, then we read “Chintamani, the magic cow” book. Spoke about cows, had other random conversations and then started with bedtime routine.

I told him that he filled my bucket many times today and I am very thankful to him. He replied “You are the best Amma”. We exchanged hugs/kisses and he drifted to sleep.

I had a quick hot shower after that and felt very peaceful though body was yearning to rest. He didn’t finish half of second book but somehow today I had this gyan moment that its okay to not finish the workbook rather than finishing it with not focusing and whining just because I force him to do it.

Some small change in my reaction and attitude in spite of having chores busy evening made a big difference in the way LHB and I interacted today and this evening will stay in my memory for long time to come. On other days, I freak out and that energy is radiated to him as well that makes both of us cranky. It is really okay to let go sometimes and this letting go does wonders!

Now tell me, how can I go to sleep without writing about this exhausted but happy evening? Tomorrow will be another long day. I have to leave early to work and have few important meetings to tackle. But, I am ready to handle it.

When there is peace in mind, there is harmony in life. Nighty night peeps!